Lisa: also, they're British

Me: "I was watching this show, The Bletchley Circle. It's everything that I like."
Blake: "Women power, solving crimes, and...books?"
Me: "...and the 1950s. How did you DO that?"

Lisa: Cool Girl

I'm putting the "Cool Girl" pages of Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl here so I can find them any time. It's a little long (and maybe a little aggressive), but I think it's worth a read for any young woman. I'm not saying it's gospel truth--Amy Dunne is a sociopath, after all--but at a minimum it's thought-provoking. I hope I can figure out who Real Lisa is and be that person, or at least pretend to be the person I want to be, not someone else's ideal.

--

That night at the Brooklyn party, I was playing the girl who was in style, the girl a man like Nick wants: the Cool Girl. Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She's a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don't mind, I'm the Cool Girl.

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they're fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men—friends, coworkers, strangers—giddy over these awful pretender women, and I'd want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who'd like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I'd want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn't really love chili dogs that much—no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They're not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they're pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you're not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn't want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version—maybe he's a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn't ever complain.

I waited patiently—years—for the pendulum to swing the other way, for men to start reading Jane Austen, learn how to knit, pretend to love cosmos, organize scrapbook parties, and make out with each other while we leer. And then we'd say, Yeah, he’s a Cool Guy.

But it never happened. Instead, women across the nation colluded in our degradation! Pretty soon Cool Girl became the standard girl. Men believed she existed—she wasn't just a dreamgirl one in a million. Every girl was supposed to be this girl, and if you weren't, then there was something wrong with you.

I was probably happier for those few years—pretending to be someone else—than I ever have been before or after. I can't decide what that means.

But then it had to stop, because it wasn't real, it wasn't me. It wasn't me, Nick! I thought you knew. I thought it was a bit of a game. I thought we had a wink-wink, don't ask, don't tell thing going. I tried so hard to be easy. But it was unsustainable. I hated Nick for being surprised when I became me. I hated him for not knowing it had to end, for truly believing he had married this creature, this figment of the imagination of a million masturbatory men, semen-fingered and self-satisfied. He truly seemed astonished when I asked him to listen to me. He couldn't believe I didn't love wax-stripping my pussy raw and blowing him on request. That I did mind when he didn't show up for drinks with my friends.

That was pure, dumb Cool Girl bullshit. Again, I don't get it: If you let a man cancel plans or decline to do things for you, you lose. You don’t get what you want. It's pretty clear. Sure, he may be happy, he may say you're the coolest girl ever, but he's saying it because he got his way. He's calling you a Cool Girl to fool you! That's what men do: They try to make it sound like you are the Cool Girl so you will bow to their wishes. Like a car salesman saying, How much do you want to pay for this beauty? when you didn't agree to buy it yet. That awful phrase men use: "I mean, I know you wouldn't mind if I…" Yes, I do mind. Just say it. Don't lose.

So it had to stop. Committing to Nick, feeling safe with Nick, being happy with Nick, made me realize that there was a Real Amy in there, and she was so much better, more interesting and complicated and challenging, than Cool Amy.

Lisa: hashing it out

Lisa: Is Lion King the first Disney with explicitly premeditated murder? Or do, like, the oysters on Alice In Wonderland count?
Jeannie: Snow White? I mean - she didn't die, but the witch tried.
Lisa: She just tried to put her to sleep, though, right? It's not the Grimm version.
Lisa: Hmm. Also, Gaston does purposely incite a mob to try to kill the Beast.
Jeannie: That too. What about Bambi?
Lisa: I think hunters would argue they aren't murdering animals.
Jeannie: Right, but Disney gave it personality. And based a movie around an animal. Where do we draw the line? Because...the lions are animals too.
Lisa: Also Maleficent tried to murder Aurora, but Merryweather softened the spell.
Lisa: But in Lion King it's animal-on-animal violence. I think it's another level.
Jeannie: Some gnarly shit going down.
Lisa: Truth.
Lisa: Maleficent's was arguably a crime of passion.
Jeannie: I think either way you have to go with some assumptions. They're animals so it's all good, or they're characters so you have feelings about deaths. No matter who commits them.
Lisa: No, because the humans in Bambi are like unseen, all-powerful, dangerous gods. It's like being killed by a tornado. I mean, obviously you have feelings about Bambi's mom's death. It's a tragic truth of the wild, though.
Jeannie: One could say the same thing then about lions killing each other.
Lisa: You don't see them evilly plotting to kill Bambi's mom specifically, like Scar.
Jeannie: That is true. I still cry when I watch that.
Lisa: The humans in Bambi are at worst like the rainforest-clearing developers in FernGully.
Jeannie: I guess the end result is still the same. But you're arguing intent affects how you feel about this.
Lisa: Yes. I guess I'm arguing am I encouraging my child to plot the murder of a sibling who gets in the way of her ambitions? Which I consider worse than encouraging her to become a hunter.
Jeannie: Okay. That's another story, right? Have you read Cain and Abel to her? (Joke)
Lisa: Hee. And no. Have you read Robin the one where Gaia kills the wiccans?
Lisa: I've literally got nothing.
Jeannie: Hahahahaha. I have a bible, okay? It is fascinating. And the basis for a lot of amazing literature. Pertinent: one of my all-time faves, East of Eden.
Lisa: Well, don't read it to Robin. That shit is violent
Lisa: -ly boring.

Lisa: 10+ Years

Am I going to see Channing Tatum's new movie, 10 Years? Absolutely. You know I can't resist a big, charming meathead who can dance. Is it just going to make me a little more disappointed in my own ten year high school reunion experience? Absolutely. Let's see how the two stack up:

1. Friends who actually haven't seen each other in ten years coming in from out of town and joyfully meeting up in advance
Channing: 1, Lisa: 0

2. Pre-gaming/illicit booze
Channing: 1, Lisa: 0

3. Dancing
Channing: 1, Lisa: 0

4. Old flames turning up unexpectedly and declaring they still have feelings for me
Channing: 1, Lisa: 0

5. Former classmates who morphed into surprisingly down-to-earth rock stars
Channing: 1, Lisa: 0

6. Toilet-papering
Channing: 1, Lisa: 0

7. Crazy revelations, regrettable decisions, or life-changing coincidences
Channing: at least 1, Lisa: 0

8. Karaoke
Channing: 1, Lisa: 0

9. Presence of Channing Tatum (or for that matter, Ron Livingston)
Channing: 2, Lisa: 0

Total score:
Movies: 10+, Real life: 0

See you there?

Lisa: Well played, Melinda Clarke's publicity team

UPSIDE: If your television or low-budget movie production needs an attractive, seductive brunette of a certain age, you're in luck! There are three nearly identical actresses who have been capably filling that niche for years. One of them is sure to be free (probably Musetta Vander).

DOWNSIDE: If you are Polly Walker or Musetta Vander, all your acting credits are going to Melinda Clarke, because NOBODY KNOWS YOU ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

THE CANDIDATES

Sarah knows Melinda Clarke as Lady Heather, the so-called "Moddom" from CSI. Melinda played another brothel owner on Firefly, but you might remember her best as Julie Cooper on The O.C.. IMDB says she played a Siren on Charmed. Obviously.

When I see Musetta Vander, I can't think of anything but the praying mantis substitute teacher on Buffy. Apparently she also--like Melinda--played a Siren (this time on O Brother, Where Art Thou?) and some kind of corset-wearing villainous lady bodyguard on Wild Wild West.

Before some extensive Googling, I'd pretty much forgotten I'd seen Polly Walker as the "elegant" Jane Fairfax in Gwyneth Paltrow's Emma and (much further back) the beautiful but jaded Caroline Dester in Enchanted April. More relevantly, she appeared as Atia of the Julii on Rome, a character confusingly but aptly dubbed Julii Cooper on Television Without Pity. She hasn't played any characters named "Siren," and there don't seem to be any photos of her online in fetish wear. If there weren't so many completely nude stills from Rome, I'd be forced to call her the classy one.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Honestly, if I told you these were all the same woman, you'd believe me, right?

AS IF FURTHER PROOF WAS NEEDED

I explained to Sarah that I was doing a little research in preparation for this post, and she inadvertently proved my point:

Lisa: "I had to physically stop myself from searching the Internet for photos of Polly Walker in a corset. Ten pages of Google Images results and nothing!"
Sarah: "What? There MUST be screen captures of her in a corset from CSI!"
Lisa: "Yes. The problem is that was Melinda Clarke."

EDITED TO ADD:

Blake peered over my shoulder at these three photos and emphatically stated they looked completely different. Then he pointed at the middle one (Musetta Vander), and said, "That looks like the lady who played Julie Cooper (Melinda Clarke). You know, the girl from Rome (Polly Walker)." SERVED, SERVED, SERVED.

Lisa: I couldn't find a pun about blinds that didn't make me cringe

I have to admit, I kind of love watching Get It Sold. We're not selling our house, so I don't need to follow all the advice about neutralizing and depersonalizing, but a lot of the updates Sabrina does are very inexpensive but make a big impact on the overall look of the house. And when I say inexpensive, I mean stuff that real people could do--in a weekend--not a $20,000 budget for a glorious HGTV bathroom. It's also a great reminder that the unfinished projects you've been putting off/living with forever don't really take that much time or money to finish, and they can make a real difference in how happy you feel in your house.

Naturally, we had one such project hanging around that I decided to give the Get It Sold treatment. We have white wood-look vinyl blinds in our bedroom. I don't know if you're intimately familiar with the workings of these babies, but the top of the blinds (which is metal and holds all the mechanisms for tilting, raising, and lowering the blinds) is supposed to be covered with a decorative strip of vinyl molding. This strip is held on with two or three little plastic clips. Unfortunately, these clips are really brittle (especially after a few years), and it's almost impossible not to crack or break one as you take the molding off (or put it back on) when you're removing the blinds to wash them. At some hazy point in the past, the broken clips from all over the house got replaced with ones from the (admittedly more hidden away) bedroom, and we didn't put back those molding strips. Now, I'm sure you can just buy more clips wherever vinyl blinds are sold. The bad news is that the molding strips themselves (not sold separately and custom-cut to the size of our windows) got thrown away or lost somehow when they weren't attached to the window. DUN DUN DUN! The good news is that this was even easier than I thought it would be to fix. Photos and easy-peasy instructions below!

1. I carefully measured the length we would need the new molding strips to be.
2. Blake and I went to Home Depot, hoping for the best.
3. The regular molding area didn't have anything like what we needed, and after asking around a bit we headed back to where they sell blinds.
4. The blinds guy first told what we didn't want to hear, that those pieces are not sold separately. Then he thought for a minute out loud about how Home Depot custom-cuts them to size when people buy new blinds. He motioned us back to the area with the cutting saw.
5. Sitting right there out in the open next to the saw were two fairly long strips of vinyl molding, left from an earlier customer's sale. The blinds guy picked them up, measured them, and asked if they would work for what we needed. THEY WOULD!
6. We crossed our fingers and asked how much Home Depot would charge to let us take those off their hands. WHAT'S THAT? WE CAN HAVE THEM FOR FREE? Awesome.
7. We stopped in one more aisle for a pack of industrial-strength Velcro. I knew I wasn't going to mess with those stupid clips any more if I could help it.
8. When we got home, I cut the molding to the exact dimensions we needed with our trusty miter box and saw.
9. Then I applied one side of the Velcro pieces to the metal top bar of the blinds (a strip at each end and a piece in the middle of the longer section), and the corresponding other side to the back of the molding. This way you can get the molding off with a good tug, and the metal clips holding the blinds into the window frame aren't impeded in any way. BAM.
10. Press the new molding into place.

And that's it! No more visible metal bars with stickers listing the dimensions and previous owner's name! Pretty, finished blinds for only the cost of a pack of Velcro. We're not mentioning the paperclip situation for now. Ahem.

Lisa: Battlestar Birthday

Do you know Jennilyn? I hope so. She is a relatively recent (and very welcome) addition to Crown Tuesday Mondays (if you can call 8 months or so recent).

Anyway, we had an inaugural Birthday Crown for Jennilyn back in March, featuring a Battlestar Galactica theme. There were tiny Battlestar Minimates, dog tags, eye patches, water guns, spacey-looking pencils, tic-tac "stims," raider-shaped cookies, wife-beaters (to wear backwards), terrible drawings of the Battlestar logo, and a robot mask fashioned from a dollar store shield. I'm sure there was something involving paper with the corners cut off as well. Marci provided cinnamon rolls, and Brian surprised Jennilyn with the complete Blu-Ray set (featuring poseable Centurion).

We love you, Jennilyn. Please never leave us (like stupid Battlestar Galactica did).

Lisa: infomercials can be convincing

Me: I'm thinking of buying a shake weight.
Sarah: Bolsters your biceps and your sex life. Think of all the relationship bargaining power in your future.
Me: Clearly, they are a turn-on...as are taut upper arms.
Sarah: Ha!

Lisa: Croquembouche

I had been considering trying my hand at making a croquembouche--which is a fancy French cake that is basically a tower of cream puffs held together with carmel and surrounded by a web of spun sugar--and Kaeleigh and McKenna's joint Great Gatsby birthday party (which I already mentioned in this entry on vintage hairstyles) seemed like the perfect opportunity. Plus, croquembouche is the perfect cooking project for me: impressive result, fairly easy to put together, and not at all practical or nutritive.

I was running super late for the party and trying to get out the door, so I didn't have time to take photos of the completed dessert. It was glorious, though. There were sparkles and sugar daisies. Anyway, I swiped a few pictures from Kaeleigh's Facebook albums that at least give pictorial evidence that my croquembouche really existed. (If you check out those photo albums, be sure to look for the Robert Redford movie being projected on one wall, which made an incredible backdrop.)

This entry from La Cerise was the most helpful when I was putting my croquembouche together. Lots of sites like this one will give you more help on how to make caramelized sugar if you haven't done that before, and I'll tell you my number-one secret to making this project super manageable and fun: frozen cream puffs from Costco. Yep. More info on croquembouche construction after the jump!

Here's what I learned when I made my croquembouche:

1. Unless you're a baking purist, just buy one big box of frozen cream puffs at Costco. Seriously, they taste fine and using them takes all the hard, boring parts out of this process. You can even just pull them out of the freezer and start assembling the tower while they're still frozen. By the time you're ready to serve (long before, probably), they'll be defrosted. I noticed that Astrid at La Cerise had frozen her homemade choux before assembling, which gave me the idea--and I wouldn't even have attempted to make a croquembouche without this shortcut. I am too afraid AND too lazy.

2. The paper cone upturned in a vase on La Cerise is genius--absolutely the way to go. I wish I had buttered mine so it would have slipped off a bit more easily.

3. Be prepared to work FAST. You have to keep the caramelized sugar warm enough to stay pliable without browning it too much. Have everything ready and laid out with a plan in mind before you start the sugar process, and don't leave the sugar cooking on the stove and go start working on your hair. Even if the sugar does get too brown, though (as mine did), all is not lost. It makes the finished caramel have a more crackly texture and a more bitter flavor, which is actually kind of good. The crunchier caramel is more structurally strong than the delicate cream puffs, though, so they're hard to get apart without bursting or breaking the puff. If that happens, just use a fork to break off a hunk of tower wall onto your plate. Problem solved.

4. Caramelized sugar burns like a mother, and you're reaching down into a paper cone with a handful of it and pressing it into a mass of more hot caramel. For heaven's sake, be careful and have some cold water nearby.

5. Strings of caramelized sugar get everywhere--when you're swooping each dipped cream puff over to your paper cone and especially when you're whipping a spun sugar cage around the finished product with a fork. Then those little strings harden like the candy they are and coat everything in your kitchen with a hard, sticky shell. I wish I had covered my work area with a layer of aluminum foil, like Chica and Joe did when they made the candy jewels for their incredible Princess Peach cake.

Lisa: hair-suit

I have naturally wavy/curly hair, and since becoming an adult my attitude has swung like a pendulum between the extremes of 1) celebrating curly hair and decrying the media position that wavy hair is ugly and messy, and 2) forcing it into smooth submission. Recently, I tried a modified version of the "curly girl" method for a while, but now I've swung back into something more styled--using hot rollers regularly. My dad asked if I started doing my hair differently to distance myself from my billboard doppelganger, but it's probably more a case of just getting bored with having the same look every day. Plus, I've been getting more into retro looks lately, and the only decade my natural hair is reminiscent of is the 1980s. Hot rollers are actually surprisingly fast and low-maintenance. There's no tiresome (and damaging) blow-drying or flat-ironing, either; the rollers are my only straightening agent.

But...remember how I couldn't stop raving about Grey Gardens yesterday? Sarah could testify that a good part of what was making me drool with each new outfit was Drew's fabulous 1950s hair.

Barring having a team of experts on hand for styling and touch-ups, what do I need to do to get my hair to look like that? Online research suggests having my hair cut specifically for curling--the words 'wedge cut,' 'undercut,' and 'double cut' have been thrown around. But how do I convince my much trendier stylist (who seems to give me a mullet no matter what I ask for) that this is what I want? Salt Lake City isn't exactly full of salons that specialize in retro cuts.

In the meantime, YouTube is a great source for instructions and tutorials for retro hairstyles. I've been wearing a modified version of this easy pin-up "pomp" fairly often. (You can see it on Facebook here, here, and here.)

I also tried out this faux finger wave bob for Kaeleigh's Great Gatsby party (photos on Facebook here and here) and I was really happy with how it turned out and how easy and approachable it was compared to doing real finger waves. I think the key to shiny hair with the waver is Redken Spray Starch (mentioned in the video), which is tricky to find in stores these days, but gave me a much better result than my Britney concert attempt. I also didn't bother straightening first, but just brushed out pieces of that day's curly style and mashed them into the waver's hungry jaws.

Next up, I want to try some real victory rolls, or maybe this victory rolls and ponytail combo that is supposed to be good for second-day hair. But...that's not really what my hair looks like on the second day after washing at all. Maybe I need to do some more research. Or maybe the texture difference is a result of pin-curling instead of using hot rollers. I think I'll try one of these two videos to set in some pin curls, and see what happens. The part two videos from both of these channels is making me think I need to buy a new brush first, but I can handle that.

Last but not least, four blogs I've read in the last two weeks have recommended a book called Vintage Hairstyling: Retro Styles with Step-by-Step Techniques by Lauren Rennells (check out her blog here). I wish my library had it, so I could check it out right now. As it is, it will probably languish on my wishlist for a while. But who knows? I may break down and need something to hold me over until Dita's book comes out.

Lisa: Glee, Gertie, and Grey Gardens

I hope the few of you who suffered through my long entry on vintage-y fashion aren't too sick of the subject. One page/idea just keeps leading me to another, and the internet is suddenly big and exciting again.

1) I love Glee. This should not be a shock to you, since a) it is awesome, b) there is singing, and c) there is dancing. There is also one adorable guidance counselor with the cutest, matchiest, most bow-adorned cardigans, blouses, pencil skirts, vintage pins, and (!) sweater clips. I'm sure the character's OCD (and having a full staff of behind-the-scenes television professionals) helps with the immaculately maintained clothing and perfect hair, but I can squeal about her outfit pieces just the same. If you want to find a whole community of fellow squealers who will tell you exactly where Emma's clothes can be bought, try What Would Emma Pillsbury Wear?. There are a LOT of Polyvore sets featured, if that's your kind of thing. It is
technically a shopping blog focused on one (admittedly really great) look, so if you're trying to be frugal, stay away. Found via Go Fug Yourself.

2) Gertie's New Blog for Better Sewing is a sort of Julie & Julia experiment, with the blogger talking about her journey making all the pieces in the 1950s guide, Vogue's New Book for Better Sewing. I think having a directed project like that is kind of a great idea. It gives your blog a good theme to start from, which I think would help a lot in marketing your site and getting a following. Plus, there's always the book to go back to when you get stuck on interesting things to write about or need motivation. I can't lie, I kind of have a blog crush on Gretchen right now. I love her retro-but-quirky look, and the things she sews (from the book and otherwise) are lovely. Her writing style and her brand of feminism are appealing to me, too.

If I had one tiny complaint about Gertie's NBfBS, it would be that when you click to read more of each entry "after the jump," the post opens in a new browser window. I guess you can just close that window when you're done reading and the old window you clicked in from will still be there--no waiting for that page to reload! --but when you close the wrong window, can't hit 'back,' and have to find your place in the archives all over again, it's really annoying. I'm surprised she chose that system, especially since her external links open in the same browser window and necessitate clicking 'back' to finish reading an entry. Anyway. My new-found love is not diminished by this very minor inconvenience, and I'll be checking back soon for sewing progress updates. Found via WWEPB (Gretchen is, OF COURSE, also a fan of Glee and Emma Pillsbury's style).

3) Sarah and I finally watched HBO's Grey Gardens on Monday. It's the fascinating story behind the Maysles' cult-classic documentary, and Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange were both awesome. You can read about writer/director Michael Sucsy's inspiration and process here. Engrossing story aside, the costumes Drew Barrymore wears as Little Edie Beale in the 1930s through the '50s (before things spiral out of control) are just gorgeous--and I think they're even prettier in the film than in photos.

You can see lots more of Drew's incredible costumes on Jezebel and Grey Gardens News, and there's also an interview with the costume designer reproduced here.

The Beales' house is almost its own character in the movie, and it goes from luxurious and tastefully bohemian in the 1930s to completely run-down, overgrown, and squalor-ridden by the 1960s. Visual Vamp (who actually met the Beales in the '70s) talks about East Hampton style and the movie sets. I wish I could find a better set of the National Enquirer photos that were taken of Big and Little Edie in the house at its most squalid, but there is a house tour up at the New York Times that shows the condition of the house after clean-up, when Little Edie finally sold the property.

Happy clicking!

Lisa: Wolf Business

For my last birthday party, Sarah and the girls planned an awesome Mad Men-themed party. To keep the theme a surprise from me, she led me to believe I was getting (under protest) another Twilight-themed party to go with the New Moon movie release--this time, appropriately, heavily featuring wolves.

To keep the farce going, Sarah printed out a wolfy party invitation and passed them out to a few friends in front of me. In a central place of honor on the invitation was this drawing of a very well-developed, anthropomorphized wolf.

I wish I could tell you where Sarah found this gem. DeviantART, possibly? What I do know is that there were several conversations about his (its?) abs. And about how (and why) the artist decided to stop drawing when he finished the abs. We ultimately decided it was because he HAD to, for decency's sake. Because what do you imagine would be featured directly below that well-highlighted six pack? A very well-highlighted wolf-schlong, that's what. A big bowl of were-bit stew, is what I'm saying. And no one needs to see that.

Apparently, the creators of Dragon Age: Origins agree with me. When I glanced up at the Xbox game Blake was playing one evening several months later, I caught part of a serious conversation his dwarf, Trog, was having with a gang of very menacing werewolves. With visible abs.

"Wait, pause. Can you pause this? Hold on. I have to go get my camera RIGHT now. I have to send a picture of this to Sarah. This answers SO many questions."

You are welcome, Deviant Artists! Your well-muscled and possibly bipedal wolves no longer need to hide their shame under a blank piece of paper. You can now feel free to sketch them running through the woods, confident in the knowledge that their most wolfy parts are safely shrouded in self-fabric loincloths.

Lisa: A Love Story

Seven years ago I admitted having a dream featuring both David Boreanaz/Angel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Four years ago I got an Angel action figure for my birthday and brought him to the Crown for some photo ops. Last year, Sarah bought me a vintage 1999 action figure of The Rock at Miah's wrestling match. So, you can see that this meeting was prophesied, long-awaited, and finally inevitable.

When Angel and The Rock ventured outside of their respective residences (possibly a holding cell and a cardboard box at the intersection of Jabroni Drive and Smackdown Hotel Boulevard) and found each other, the first instinct of each was to fight. Angel's heart really wasn't in it, though--much like the events of the episode his tiny plastic accessories are modeled after. Knowing it was a risky move, Angel dropped his knife and went in for a hug. But The Rock is only human, after all--his heart softened and he accepted the embrace. His trademark single quirked eyebrow might have led passers-by to believe his initial surprise was something more cynical, but deep inside The Rock knew his life would never be the same lonely road again.

This is pretty much the best use of my new homemade light box I could think of. Sorry, everybody. Or maybe I should say YOU ARE WELCOME.

Sarah: In Which Sarah Overreacts

Mom: before you read this, I do not use drugs. I will not use drugs. Okay, carry on.

Sarah: Are you sitting down? Corey Haim died. Dude, only 38. That is too young.
Lisa: Aw, sad!
Sarah: Yeah, plus his BFF Feldman shunned him for his last year or two of life! Let's never shun each other. Even if I do get into drugs.
Lisa: Even if you are a bad influence on my kid.
Sarah: I'M SORRY.
Lisa: Well if you didn't take 85 downers a day, that would help.
Sarah: So what you're saying is that you will shun me. And I will die alone. And cats will sneak into my (meth)house and eat my face.
Lisa: No, I am saying that you will be a bad influence, but I will still never shun you. Because of our love.

Well alright then.

Lisa: Bridges

I should have known it was a bit ambitious to think I might blog every day of February, when I hadn't blogged at all for months. In the interest of keeping things going on the blog-front, and in honoring one of my favorite actors, Jeff Bridges, on his recent Oscar win, I bring you this:

Lisa: Tron: Legacy
Sarah: Yeah, it goes without saying that we'll be seeing that, right?
Lisa: Yes. It should. Although you did not make sure i saw Crazy Heart as instructed.
Sarah: Ha. YET.
Lisa: Also how could you not be awesome when your dad is this guy?
Samuel Harvey Graynamore
Sarah: Hee hee. Seriously. (Also, how did i not know that until now?)
Lisa: I just looked it up. It makes me just as happy as Keifer/Donald Sutherland.
Sarah: Hee. Seriously.
Lisa: Also he is the guy from the Airplane movies.
Sarah: I have never seen Airplane.
Lisa: Well, he is basically Leslie Nielsen, but wackier and less annoying?
Sarah: Hee. That's good.

Lisa: Bridges
Sarah: Who is squishy Bridges over there on the left? Because in that photo? Jeff is lookin feeeeeeine!
Lisa: Well there is a reason I like him, doy. And Beau Bridges. I think also an actor?
Sarah: Whoa, really? He usually doesn't look that squidgy. He usually looks like the love child of Jeff Bridges and John Ritter.
Lisa: Fencing on Fairfield
Sarah: Ha. That makes me uncomfortable.
Lisa: Hee. Peace & Love Beau Bridges has what i like to call an "eyebrow situation."
Sarah: hee

Lisa: Too bad Jeff Bridges and Val Kilmer aren't farther apart in age. They could have played a convincing father/son.
Sarah: hee
Lisa: Val Kilmer has become Bridgier than Jeff Bridges
Sarah: HOLY CRAP. I THOUGHT THAT WAS JEFF BRIDGES UNTIL I READ THE TEXT.
Lisa: Hee. I know, right? Like, "why is Lisa sending me this unattractive and yet unsurprisingly run-of-the-mill photo of Jeff Bridges?"
Lisa: Oh no, Val: Val Kilmer Fat Whence Iceman??
Sarah: I did not need to see that. That was unpleasant.
Lisa: His abs were a national treasure. HE DID NOT PROTECT THEM AS HE SHOULD HAVE!

Lisa: Just saying. With great power comes great responsibility.

Lisa: Whoa: Fotos
Sarah: That was Jeff Bridges as the lead singer of Red Hot Chili Peppers and I was not prepared for that.
Lisa: Heeeeeee. Sorry.
Sarah: But also, nice onramps, Jeff.
Lisa: Right.

Lisa: This is my favorite Jeff Bridges: Full Jeff Bridges
Sarah: Hee. That is the Jeff Bridges equivalent of the Swingers Vince Vaughn.
Lisa: Well I like that Vince Vaughn, too.
Sarah: Exactly!

It's good for a girl to know her type.

Lisa: A New Hope

These gifts for the Bossyths (that is, the beautiful and talented Valori, Jillian, and Kaeleigh) were some of the first I decided to make, and some of the last to be completed.

Perhaps I should explain. 1) The Bossyths love costumes more than anyone else I know. It only seems fitting that they should own one of the most iconic costumes in cinematic history. 2) I happened to already own a very large quantity of stretchy white fabric. 3) Everything is more awesome in multiples. 4) Wouldn't you enjoy arriving at Yuma Haus for a night of relaxed TV viewing, only to find one of the ladies of the Haus lounging in a Leia costume? I thought so.

I improvised a pattern using this helpful advice. I ran into trouble twice: once when I cut the neck openings too large (right after being specifically instructed not to) and again when I left the main body of the dresses twice as wide as they needed to be. Thank goodness, both errors were ultimately fixable.

You can see photos of the ladies good-naturedly wearing their costumes here (on Facebook) or here. E made the awesome matching belts as her gift.

Lisa: a cunning piece of knittery

I made this Jayne hat for my "shiny"-saying baby brother, Jeff. He didn't recognize it immediately, which I admit did make me doubt his Firefly credibility a tiny bit. I didn't doubt the accuracy of my hat replica, because it is clearly spot-on.

I used this pattern from Heather on Craftster, which was great. The yarn is Lion Brand Homespun, which is the only thing the regular craft store had that was rustic enough and came in remotely close colors. I've had a lot more knitting experience since last time I used Homespun, and besides, I'd say the yarn is easier to knit with than to crochet with. When you're crocheting, you have to figure out what loop to pick up from the mass of your project; with knitting, the loops are already on the other needle. Anyway, since I had to buy three huge skeins, I probably could have spent less on something more appropriate at the real yarn store, but whatever. Jayne hats for everyone!

I am notoriously bad at checking my gauge, and I was worried the hat would turn out way too big for Jeff's smallish head, but it was perfect! Jeff even humored me by wearing his hat everywhere he went for an entire week.

Lisa: book character softies

When I saw this adorable dollhouse created for homemade versions of Lauren Child's Charlie and Lola on sweet sweet life (found, I think, via loobylu), I knew Nora had to have her own Charlie and Lola dolls.

From there, things sort of spiraled out of control, and she had to have dolls of ALL of her favorite book characters. Luckily, it was harder than I thought to find suitable illustrations of the characters standing alone in a way that made sense for being cut out of context and played with, so the pool was limited a bit. As you can see, we also ended up with George and Martha, the Powerpuff Girls, Cynthia Rylant's Hansel and Gretel, the No No Yes Yes baby, Alice, Eloise, and Edith.

I scanned the images from Nora's books and printed them onto iron-on sheets with my hand-me-down inkjet printer. I love printable iron-ons, and I always keep a few packs on hand for spontaneous crafting. Anyway, I ironed the images onto some off-white cotton duck I already had--actually some old curtains from our first apartment--and cut matching backs out of a set of coordinating fat quarters from JoAnn's. You can kind of see the backing fabrics in this photo:

Nora's still a bit young for her dollhouse, but I think the more she gets into it, the more these little softies will get used. And they're so easy and inexpensive to make, I could always add in a few new ones (maybe even mini family members?) to keep things interesting. Plus, I like the idea of incorporating her favorite characters but retaining the feel of a homemade, non-commercial toy.

Lisa: Who will tell the internet these things if I don't?

1) In roughly an hour I am seeing an ENT about the possibility of getting my tonsils out. I have to admit, I am somewhat terrified. But...if it means that I get strep less often (or even maybe NEVER), then it will be worth it.

2) A lot of things have been happening lately, and I've been crossing things off my list (yay!), but I haven't gotten up the energy to actually blog about any of them. SO. I have just decided to attempt to post every single day of the month of February. I'm sure the one reader we have left will be shocked. Plus, depending on how much Lortab they put me on for my (possible) tonsillectomy, things could get a little crazy. At the very least, there will be a lot of drool. Something to look forward to.

3) Dripped pie filling had made a smoky mess in the bottom of my oven, so today I decided to run the self-clean cycle. It's been going for three hours so far, and everything in my house smells and/or tastes like burning. My eyes feel like burning. Nora actually asked to go down for a nap early--I'm guessing in self-defense. Moral: put a drip pan under the stupid pie next time, goofus.

4) I am presenting for your enjoyment photographic proof of my billboard doppelganger. She can be found on Highland Drive, directly east of the Home Depot, advertising the Generations Project on BYU TV. Uncanny, isn't it? I, for one, am completely freaked out.

Sarah: In Which Sarah Changes Her Mind

Sarah: So. Lady GaGa was named the Creative Director for the Polaroid brand.
Lisa: HA. That? is unfortunate.
S: Yeah.
L: But also possibly genius.
S: I am feeling very torn. On one hand, she's kind of done brilliant marketing for herself. And is creative in her ways of being insane and ridiculous. Also, I want Polaroid to survive, so maybe latching on to someone new is a way to do that.
S: But on the other hand, THAT IS A POSITION THAT REQUIRES ACTUAL KNOWLEDGE. And she is not an expert on Polaroid, or creative direction, or photography trends.
L: Yeah, I do wonder if she has some secret photographic expertise. Or if it's all about her shock value.
On the other hand, not enough judgement to say "maybe I should put on pants today."
S: I wonder if she would wear pants to the office. Or if she'd come to a board meeting in a death mask with hair that bleeds onto a golden onesie.
L: Actually, I am coming around. I think that might be exactly what Polaroid needs.
S: LISA I'M NOT SURE I'M READY TO COME AROUND.
L: Just like that movie with the Duffs! Maybe they figure they're dying anyway, so let's try something completely different! Can't get worse!
S: But she hasn't proven that she has staying power. Ugh.
L: Hee. Sorry.
S: I'm not sure about this.
L: Is Mallory going to kill someone?
S: I texted Mallory to tell her and SHE DIDN'T RESPOND.
L: Hee. Do we need to intercede before she actually tries to kill LaGaGa?
S: Lady GaGa also hit the Polaroid stand to announce her appointment as “creative director” and “inventor of specialty products” with the company.
Wearing a black see-through dress and a blonde sunhat made entirely out of her own hair, she described herself as a “Polaroid girl” and said she was “outraged” when the company filed for bankruptcy in 2001. [quoted from here]
Okay, now she's sort of seduced me with word "inventor" and her hairhat.
L: INVENTOR OF SPECIALTY PRODUCTS? How can i get that job somewhere???
S: I know, right?
“The Haus of Gaga has been developing prototypes in the vein of fashion/technology/photography innovation - blending the iconic history of Polaroid and instant film with the digital era,” she said.
“I am so excited to extend myself behind the scenes as a designer, and to as my father puts it - finally have a real job.”
NOW I'M CHARMED. DAMMIT. I am so easily seduced by pop culture.
L: Also, the Haus of GaGa
S: I know. She's ridiculous. Yet I want to be in that Haus.

Lisa: two great tastes

This summer's video re-creation project: Beyonce's If I Were a Boy character and Steven Seagal (:Lawman) are partners. Let me know if you want in on this incredibleness now.

Lisa: Oh, Carmine.

Look I know he's in a wheelchair now and all, and is dealing with a lot of mental trauma, but could someone please cut poor Danny Messer's hair before he starts looking any more like Fisher Stevens?

It's got to be hard enough working with Gary Sinise every day without that kind of spectre looming.

Lisa: Tool of the Week

I'm probably going to sound really stupid on this one, but I don't care. This simple cable was enough of a revelation for me that I want to share it with any other idiots who might be in need.

What I'm talking about is a cable that has a headphone-style audio jack on one end, and RCA-style audio plugs (you know the kind, they're the red/white components of the standard red/yellow/white TV cables) on the other end. Something like this.

I have no idea where we got this handy-dandy cable, since I just found it in our cord box at a very opportune moment. It must have come free with something we bought in the past, because I had no idea it even existed until I was holding it in my hand, realizing it would be the perfect solution to our current problem.

Two ways I've used this cord in the last two weeks:

1) When we hook the laptop up to the TV to watch movies on the bigger screen, the Apple mini-DVI-to-video setup only sends the video signal to the TV (not the audio). In the past, I've had to unplug the speakers from our desktop computer, lug them up from downstairs and set them up on top of the TV cabinet, since the laptop's internal speakers aren't loud enough. This new cable allows me to feed the audio right into the TV as well, using the TV's built-in speakers that are controlled by the TV remote.

2) When Sarah and I were rehearsing a few days ago, we wanted to sing along with a background track that I have as an mp3 on my laptop and iPod. Since I don't have speakers for my iPod, and again the laptop speakers were too soft, I just plugged the iPod into the TV and used the internal TV speakers instead.

So. What seemingly obvious/inexpensive thing has made a huge difference in YOUR life lately?

Lisa: got my hair did

Twitter and Facebook are good times and everything, but I must admit they have contributed to the lack of posts around here. Luckily, I felt the following Facebook interaction deserved a little pictorial embellishment.

Lisa: New haircut: might be awesome, might be Three's Company.

Sarah: HA! I can't wait to see it. [Sarah knows that Three's Company also means Janette from SYTYCD, whose haircut I HATE.]

Angie: Might be Indigo Girls?

Lisa: Might be Kristen Stewart playing Joan Jett.

Dear readers, I will let you decide for yourselves.

Lisa: Ur jus jellus!

Sarah documented the majority of our Britney experience (and I'm sure she'll share many unflattering photos here), but I thought you might like a little preview:

If you don't recognize immediately that those shirts are made according to the tutorial featurette on the Crossroads DVD, then that is why I am here. TO OPEN YOUR EYES.

Sarah: She healed their bodies and their minds, you guys.

Today while listening to a story on NPR, I remembered the first time I considered that the Biblical version of the creation of Earth did not necessarily contradict the scientific explanation.

It was on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, when the title character explained to the ignorant townspeople that each of the seven days could have been thousands of years. My mind was opened to new possibilities.

I may have revealed too much.

Lisa: happy birthday to me!

Blake planned an incredible Twilight birthday party for me with Sarah's help, complete with blood-red drinks,

goody bags including glittery vamp-skin lotion,

and a huge cake depicting a vampire/werewolf battle.

Oh, and of course we saw the movie, which was kind of awesomely serious and cheesy and mockable.

My only disappointment? Not getting to see Edward's enormous, satin-draped bed. Oh, and the fact that the restaurant staff somehow got the impression that I'm a rabid Twilight fan.

Edited to add pictures, courtesy of Sarah!

Sarah: Wanting to be in the country, not of the country.

Dear CMT,
Can't a girl watch Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team 3 at two a.m. while checking her email without being assaulted by Larry the Cable Guy? Also, how did I know Taylor Swift by sight?

Lisa: in the best Delsarte tradition

I told you! I get to wear a ridiculously decorated faux toga. Bonus: I decorated it while watching the season finale of Mad Men with Sarah. Now, every time I put it on, I think of Don Draper. Unfortunately, every time I put the toga on, I am also reminded that my hair will never be as awesome as Joan Holloway's.

In action:

We open tonight! I hope I see you there.

Lisa: you can't hug a photograph

At the beginning of August, we went to an outdoor showing of Goonies that combined three of Nora's favorite things in the world: being outside, live music, and macaroni and cheese. Not to mention some of her (and my) very favorite people. Don't worry, I have already forgiven Sarah and Mallory for sticking pens in my hair while I was lying on the blanket.

The girls and I let Blake and Nora get to bed at a reasonable hour, then headed to Wal-Mart for midnight purchases of Breaking Dawn. Unfortunately, no one told me to take off my "I was bitten" pin before we went into the coffee shop, so I embarassed myself in front of the barista. Mew!

Farewell, Summer. I hardly knew ye.

Lisa: Red Dawn

Lisa: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1234719/
Sarah: Ohmygosh.
Lisa: http://www.themovieinsider.com/m4854/red-dawn/
Sarah: They're remaking it?!
Lisa: A remake. Yes. I was seeing what movies were scheduled for 2010, in case it brought up any awesome costume ideas.
Sarah: WOLVERINES!
Lisa: Blake is going to plotz.
Sarah: Plotz?
Lisa: It's a real word!
Sarah: I don't doubt that, i suppose, I just don't know its meaning?
Lisa: PLOTZ: To burst, to explode, "I can't laugh anymore or I'll "plotz." To be aggravated beyond bearing.
Sarah: Hee. Awesome. Thank you.
Lisa: Thank the Dictionary of Yiddish Phrases.
Sarah: I wish I knew more Yiddish.
Lisa: plotz (pläts) intransitive verb
INFORMAL to be overcome with emotion; give way to excitement, anger, delight, etc. Etymology: < E Yiddish platsn, lit., to burst, explode < MHG platzen

Lisa: Are you going to plotz?
Blake: Absolutely.

Lisa: This is why we are married.

I admit it: I got sucked into the Twilight books AGAIN. I thought I was too good for that, but the new one is coming out in a few weeks and I couldn't fight it. (For the record, I have actually liked them better the second time around. Don't you judge me.) Anyway, Blake saw me reading one the other day, and started asking questions about this particular vamp universe. You might recall that we've watched a few Buffy episodes and other vampire movies in the past...suffice it to say that each oeuvre comes with its own mythology. Well, I guess I could have just said, "I don't know" or, "who cares," but I'm a librarian. When faced with a reference question, I must find the answer.

Via email:

Blake,

I thought you might be interested in Stephenie Meyer's (the author's) answer to your question from yesterday.

Q: Is it possible that a human could kill a vampire?
A: Er, not really. A big enough bomb would probably be hot enough to burn a vampire, but the vampire would have to agree to hold still and let it hit him.

Lisa

--------------

Lisa,

Though I appreciate her answer in terms of mythology she just might as well have said it takes magic fairy dust to kill them. "No humans can kill vampires because they have a mystical force shield around them, or rather a miasma that defies the laws of physics."(haha) If it is a big enough bomb they wouldn't have to hold still they couldn't get away. It is not heat that does damage from bombs but rather kinetic energy so if we can determine how much kinetic energy it would take to pierce their skin then we can see whether or not a shot gun can produce enough kinetic energy. She does not understand thermodynamics and kinetic energy but I am preparing the equations just in case she ever asks me. Sorry I am a big nerd but am thankful for your e-mail.

Blake

--------------

Blake,

Well, I don't know about the laws of physics, but it's not a forcefield. It's because they're super hard, super strong, and super fast. Here's more:

Q: Why do they sparkle?
A: They sparkle because they have turned to substance that is somewhat like diamond. Their bodies have hardened, frozen into a kind of living stone. Each little cell in their skin has become a separate facet that reflects the light. These facets have a prism-like quality-they throw rainbows as they glitter.

Q: How about stakes through the heart? Reflections? Photographs? Holy water? Garlic? All that traditional vampire lore.
A: Bunch of garbage. I think all of them get addressed in New Moon except garlic and stakes. But you try shoving wood through granite.

Q: Do the vampires have blood in their veins even though their heart no longer pumps? What would happen if they were cut or injured in some way?
A: Most human fluids are absent in my vampires. No sweat, no tears, no blood besides that which they ingest-they don't have their own blood. They do sort of have saliva-the venom makes their mouths wet, at least. When they drink blood, it runs through their body and makes them strong. It floods through their old blood ways, though they don't have circulation anymore. It lightens their eyes and flushes their skin slightly. If a vampire were cut, there would only be blood if he/she had freshly drunk blood (and drunk a lot). Otherwise, there would only be a bit of venom. It would be like cutting into granite.

Lisa

--------------

Lisa,

I am already figuring out the necessary kinetic energy it would take for a thrust object or projectile to penetrate granite. The initial calculations do not bode well for most normal weaponry but several high powered rifles whose bullets reach teminal velocity in their descent can pass through almost 4 inches of granite. It still may not kill one but it certainly could ruin his or her day. Also interestingly enough a projectile like an arrow if propelled near the speed of sound can pass through 6 inches of granite assuming the arrow is made of a similar material. I guess I should invest in a shotgun for zombies and a guass rifle for vampires. But this is just my initial investigation. I am also looking at chemicals that will eat through diamonds. What about a diamond chainsaw blade hmmmmm, interesting. Can I get a chainsaw for Christmas?

Blake

--------------

Blake,

I love you so much. But also, don't forget the super speed.

Lisa

--------------

Lisa,

So true. I will have to develop a suit like Batman in a comic book set in the future where he had to square off against Superman. These vampires seem a little like Superman so that is what I should try to defend against, or say screw the whole thing and just hope they want to turn me instead of just eat me.

Blake

Lisa: the fall

Dave: I'm calling to give you a movie recommendation: The Fall.
Lisa: Oh yeah?
D: Yeah. And this should mean something to you if no one else--it's by the same director as The Cell.
L: The Cell? Really? With Jennifer Lopez?
D: I mean, you loved that movie, right? Even though no one else did? Except, this one, instead of being ridiculous and stupid, is the best movie of the year.
L: ...Thanks. So, what's it about?
Angie: It's everything you could ever want in a movie.
L: Everything? Is there singing and dancing?
D: Yes.
L: SERIOUSLY?
D: Well, nobody's crunking [sic] or anything. But, yes.
L: Well, it sounds like I'd better go see it!
D: Take Sarah. She'll like it too.

Anybody want to go?

Sarah: London Calling

Neighborhoods or Sights:
Piccadilly Circus
Notting Hill
Covent Garden
The Tower of London

Musicals:
Les Miserables
Wicked

Artists:
Picasso
Kapoor
Monk
Rothko
Pollack
many, many others

Deepening Friendships:
I found out last night that Marci hates Ice-T even more than Horatio Cane. [Lisa, I'm leaving this up to you to find some awesomely hilarious links for these two "actors." Thank you in advance.] Yes, my mind was blown as well. And yes, they show Law and Order and CSI in the UK. It's like crack.

I wish I had more time to write better responses to the adorable emails I've been getting. I apologize if I've been slacking, but I hope to spend a ridiculous amount of time on the internet, my phone, and face to face (FACE TIME!) with you guys when I return.

I must be off, for there are still a few things in London that I haven't purchased. Namely, the entire inventory of Harrods.

Sarah: Mom, I've never watched anything like this. No, really.

I told a friend I was having a bit of trouble coming up with good advice for my friends on plot points for their movie. He made a suggestion:

Friend: You should start giving them porno plotlines. "The muscular mailman in his tight cutoff shorts decided to check the back door..."
S: You mean like "Then the doctor said he'd need to check her temperature. Then she said that it was a pretty big thermometer..."
F: Yes!

Then I got distracted from the conversation with, you know, work, and was thus accused of 'killing the sexy with silence.'

S: Sorry, were you left wondering how the story ended?
F: Yes!
S: She had a fever! Bow chika bow owwww!

Sarah: True Life

Last night I hung out with Mallory and we ended up on her couch watching True Life. Although we were both tired, Mallory drifted off into a peaceful slumber while I sat, transfixed, watching an episode about being in debt, and having a panic attack. Ah, how relaxing. Don't worry, I still somehow managed to fall asleep, fully clothed, with my face buried in a couch cushion.

Sarah: Resplendent Responses

A conversation between Blake and his friend, centered around Plato (I think) takes a delightfully nerdy turn:
Blake: ... well one theory is that the universe is converging on another universe.
Friend: What's the Star Trek theory?
B: There are only four galaxies in Star Trek.*
F: Wait, but...
B: Alpha Quadrant, Beta Quadrant, Gamma Quadrant, Delta Quadrant

My response to Mallory's question was alarmingly quick:
Mallory: If you were to make a funny music video, what song would you base it on?
Sarah: Baby, When the Lights Go Out by the very underappreciated band 5ive. Or was it overrated? I can never remember.

*Note to Blake: I hope we are planning to go to this. I'm a fool for J.J. Abrams

Edited to add: I may have just spent the last several minutes contemplating whether 5ive really worked as a word, since you aren't really pronouncing it "Five-ive" but accepting the implied use of the number 5 as an "F" sound. Then I imagined forming a four-person tough girl band called 4ce, because the pronunciation would clearer, though the spelling would be at least, if not more, contrived. Stop looking at me like that. I'm going home.

Sarah: 2008 Cooking Adventure, Week 14

Despite my slow kitchen-to-blog turnaround time, I've still been cooking at least once a week, most of those times thanks to Lisa's willingness to hang out with me. More thanks go out to our Freaks and Geeks buddies who indulge us by tasting whatever items we decide to make. By the way, you should purchase/watch/rewatch Freaks and Geeks if you haven't already. Every episode is hilarious and heartbreaking and awesome.
And so, without further ado, the cooking:
We decided that beans and rice would be a great side dish to accompany E's tasty enchiladas. We trolled Epicurious looking for a recipe (I wish you could see the look on Lisa's face when I confidently said something like "All we have to do is just cook some rice and then mix in some salsa and maybe some spices. Tasty Mexican rice." Terror mixed with a sudden loss of appetite. And looking back, I have to agree with Lisa. Why am I so confident in recipe improvisation when I am petrified with indecision in most other areas of my life?) and decided that Yellow Rice Salad with Roasted Peppers and Spicy Black Beans described exactly what we wanted.

In addition to being overconfident when cooking, I also almost invariably fail to read the recipe all the way through before cooking. This is why I didn't understand the significance of the word "salad" in that recipe. "Salad" means cold. My brain had decided this dish was hot. That, combined with the lack of Mexican flavor (they have a more eastern flair) made these beans and rice much different than I'd planned, but it was all still fairly tasty. If I made this again, I would add different spices than cumin and turmeric (maybe chili powder to give it the Mexican flavor I was missing?) and serve this warm. Or you can enjoy it cold, especially now that I've given you ample warning on what to expect.
Recipe after the jump.

Yellow Rice Salad with Roasted Peppers and Spicy Black Beans

4 teaspoons ground cumin
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
2 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
2 cups water
1 cup rice
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup thinly sliced green onions

1 15.5 ounce can black beans, rinsed, drained (oops, I just realized that I dumped the beans and their associated liquid straight from the can into the mixing bowl. You can too! Fun!)
1/2 cup chopped roasted red peppers from jar
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper
1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 1/2 teaspoons minced chipotle chilies*

Stir 3 teaspoons cumin in small dry skillet over medium heat just until fragrant, about 1 minute. Remove from heat. Whisk lime juice and oil into skillet.
Stir turmeric and remaining cumin in heavy medium saucepan over medium heat until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add 2 cups water, rice and salt; bring to boil. Reduce heat to low and cover; simmer until water is absorbed, about 15 minutes. Cool rice. Mix onions and half of lime juice mixture into rice. Season with salt and pepper.

Combine black beans, all peppers, cilantro, chipotle chilies, and remaining lime juice mixture in medium bowl. Toss to coat. Season with salt and pepper.

Mound bean mixture in center of platter. Surround with rice salad.

*Chipotle chilies canned in a spicy tomato sauce, called adobo and found in the Mexican food aisle at the grocery store.

Lisa: Kudos on your correct usage of "amongst." Ugh.

I use plenty of long and arguably obscure words in conversation, so I'm not sure why I got irritated the other day when someone I was talking to used "amongst." I was all ready to find out he was using the word incorrectly, but a little research turned this up instead.

among vs. amongst

Dr. Grammar: "Both are correct and mean the same, but among is more common."
Columbia Guide to Standard American English: a few minor but confusingly-worded differences, such as "amongst has a rather dusty-genteel quality...among is often followed by a singular collective."
Blurtit: "the word "among" should be applied to contexts when people, or things are stationary (they remain in one place), while "amongst" is used more frequently for people or things that are in a state of motion."

Consensus: Among is more modern and colloquial, where amongst is more formal and British. Other than that, they're pretty much interchangeable. So...if you use amongst in regular conversation, you will be correct. Pretentious, but correct.

I was similarly foiled when I tried to find justification for my smirk at the large "KUDO" hand-written on a printout of an email posted in the back room at work. Although I did find kudos in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as expected ("praise given for achievement"), there was also an entry for kudo. To wit:

Some commentators hold that since kudos is a singular word it cannot be used as a plural and that the word kudo is impossible. But kudo does exist; it is simply one of the most recent words created by back-formation from another word misunderstood as a plural. Kudos was introduced into English in the 19th century; it was used in contexts where a reader unfamiliar with Greek could not be sure whether it was singular or plural. By the 1920s it began to appear as a plural, and about 25 years later kudo began to appear. It may have begun as a misunderstanding, but then so did cherry and pea.

So, there you go. Dumb people are allowed to just make their own words. And that is why you'll find me watching Cops in the evenings, pencil in hand, taking notes ON OUR FUTURE.

Sarah: Sports Fans

While watching the Super Bowl, I enjoyed the company of Lisa and Blake. The conversation highlight reel:
Why cheer for the Patriots: they're undefeated, Tom Brady is good looking.
Why cheer for the Giants: they're the underdogs, Eli Manning is the Jim of the quarterbacks.
They should hire the announcer from Friday Night Lights. It was way easier/more interesting to listen to him.
Does loving Friday Night Lights make me and Lisa enjoy the Super Bowl more? Perhaps. It makes the game more accessible and makes us more interested in the players.
Regarding the half-time show, Blake declared "They sound pretty good for being one thousand years old."
The players were low on potassium, so the announcers informed us that there were bananas on the sidelines to combat muscle cramps. Then followed the longest banana shot ever.
Tom Brady's chin demands that you find him attractive. Stop bossing us, Tom Brady's chin!

Sarah: Well-Versed

A moment ago, I almost emailed a well-read friend of mine to ask what book it was where the main character would unbend a paperclip in his hand to calm himself. I distinctly remembered the passage where he likened this paperclip to a lightening rod that took away all of his nervous energy. Approximately one second before writing said email, I realized where I had acquired that image.

It's from Maid in Manhattan.

And then I had to kill myself: for almost sending the email, for remembering this scene, but most importantly for believing it was a book.

And then I shared my shame with the entire internet. Ugh.

Sarah: Tonight, I'll be your Nerdy Girl*

Yesterday was deliciously full of nerdy activities. On top of my daily Scrabulous-losing, I geeked out while doing the following:

Highjacking my sister's new computer while babysitting for an hour to goof off with Photo Booth.

What's self-respect?

Buying a typewriter for only $8 at a thrift store thanks to Mallory's genius tip. It works great and I am loving it. It reminds me of the typewriter my parents had before we bought our first computer, which came complete with a tractor feed printer.

The only problem I've noticed so far that I'm at all concerned about is that the 1 key doesn't seem to work. That means I'll have to count with care and refrain from phrases like "He was just soooo cute!!!!!!!!!! lol! What if he doesn't like me?!?!?!!?! OHS NOESSSSS!!"
You're welcome.

Watching my brother's band, who played better than I've ever heard them (good work, guys!), hack some Wii controls to play the drum track on one song. It was a cool effect.

As a slightly less geeky activity, I wrapped up the day by watching Gone Baby Gone at the dollar theater. The movie is gritty and, as my mom would say "pri. tty. rough". Still, I thought it was well done. It's rated R for a reason, so you've been warned, but Casey Affleck does a great job (and he's cute) and I think Ben Affleck is a better director than he is an actor.

*Yeah, that title was a stretch. Kudos if you figured out that I was modifying a Beyonce song. If not, I can't blame you.

Sarah: An Open Letter to Friday Night Lights

Dear cast and crew of the tv show Friday Night Lights,

I didn't attend a single football game during my high school career, despite my school being the 5-year-running state champs. I don't really understand the game and I've never tried to learn. Yet, you made me care about football. No, not just care. You made my eyes brim with tears multiple times as I watched the entire first season in four days. And for that, I applaud you.

P.S. Wow. Rawr. Drunk, greasy, and brooding never looked so good. You should market Tim Riggins as tough and manly like Dean, yet tall and lanky (both in hair and in stature! ha!) like Other Dean.

Lisa: In case you were wondering...

Despite being married to a high school football-playing jock, I have no interest in football--I didn't in high school, and I don't now. And forget watching football on TV; on Superbowl Sunday, I only watch the halftime show. That said, I have fallen in love with Friday Night Lights.

As a relative newcomer to high school football culture (and certainly to the all-encompassing version that surrounds Texas high school football), I suddenly found myself needing to know the difference between a cheerleader and a rally girl--and whichLyla Garrity is.

Exhibit A: In FNL's first episode, Lyla says she has to go to "rally rehearsal," so I figured she was a rally girl.
Exhibit B: At the end of episode 2, the Dillon rally girls are shown delivering baked goods to their Panthers in a sequence that ends with Lyla bringing Jason a cookie in the hospital. Is this because she's his rally girl, or does she do it (and does he forego the services of a rally girl) because she's his girlfriend? Incidentally, (just like Wallace's spirit boxes on Veronica Mars) treat-bearing rally girls apparently do exist in real life.
Exhibit C: The show definitely considers cheerleaders and rally girls to be two separate things. Lyla notes their uncharacteristic alliance (and by implication, their accustomed rivalry) in making Jason's banner. The casting calls for extras support this, noting that 'cheerleader' is a specialty role, while rally girls (though required to be "super cute") receive standard pay.
Exhibit D: The Wikipedia entry on cheerleading doesn't mention rally girls at all, but I love that the neutrality of the article is in dispute.
Exhibit E: TWoP forum participants know all. BananasFoster explains that being a cheerleader is more prestigious and exclusive, while anyone can be a rally girl. TexasTumbleweed agrees, adding that the rally girls are indeed the providers of spirit boxes and banners. It sounds like rally girls are a lot like what we called "pep club" at my school.

Verdict 1: I think Lyla must be a cheerleader. She's often shown on the sidelines of the game, cheering in the uniform and with pom-poms, just like my school's cheerleaders. Plus, she was dating the star quarterback--clearly a role only a cheerleader can fill. "Rally rehearsal" must have meant practicing for a rally, not practicing with her fellow rally girls.
Verdict 2: I have spent too much time thinking about this.
Verdict 3: I love the internet.

Lisa: a stake of truth

Blake: (Science talk)
Lisa: ...
Blake: Sorry for being a wonder killer.
Lisa: You're like a non-wonder killer. You kill the wonder I wasn't even wondering about.
Blake: I'm like a vampire slayer, but my stake is the truth!
Lisa: HA! Aw, I wish you could kill vampires with the truth. (Voices) "You use too much hair gel." "Aaah! I'm melting!"

Lisa: be still my nerd-loving heart

John Francis Daley is the new Adam Brody. Dr. Sweets, indeed.

Sarah: Christmas Movie Roundup

Because I've given in completely to my love of Christmas and the over-commercialized season that skips Thanksgiving almost completely (hey, I still might purchase some gourds or something. How do we feel about be-glittered gourds? A catalog seduced me and it could be a fun and messy craft project...), I have a quick list of some favorite Christmas movies, in no particular order.

Love Actually


Love (unrequited and otherwise), Christmas, Hugh Grant dancing, Colin Firth existing: how could this movie go wrong?

Nightmare Before Christmas


I think you can watch this movie an unlimited number of times from October to January without being judged. It's a Halloween movie and a Christmas movie. Plus, Tim Burton can be appreciated year round.

A Christmas Story


I love twisted, disfunctional families. And detailed daydreams. But I hate that kid with the yellow eyes.

A Charlie Brown Christmas


I get sort of sad just thinking of Charlie Brown's pathetic little tree.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas


I've never seen the live-action version starring Jim Carrey. I support the old cartoon version. Why mess with a good thing?

What are your favorite Christmas/holiday movies? I need to stock up, since I have 44 days until Christmas.

Sarah: Stream of Celebrity-Consciousness

My brother Dave and I have slowly but surely been working our way through Mad Men on his TiVo.

S: The mistress-artist was in that tv show with Ron Livingston.
D: Who?
S: The guy from Office Space.
D: I thought that guy's name was Scott Something? He was on Felicity. Jennifer Garner's old husband.
S: (laughing now, at the very silliness of the idea) Scott Foley?
D: Yeah! Those guys look EXACTLY ALIKE. And you know who else they look like? Robert Sean Leonard.
S: Dead Poets Society?
D: Yes!
S: So if Dead Poets Society and Ron Livingston had a love child, it would be Scott Foley?
D: Exactly.

Somewhere we got off track. Ahem. Back to Mad Men.

Lisa: meeting of minds

Lisa: Adam Baldwin is by far the best looking Baldwin. It's not even a contest.
Sarah: I didn't realize he was even really one of the Baldwins. He looks different enough.
Lisa: Yes, he is one of the brothers. [ETA: Sorry, Sarah. He is NOT one of the brothers. I apparently completely skipped over the words "no relation" in his IMDB bio.]
Sarah: Plus he doesn't have the slicked hair. The Baldwin helmet.
Lisa: Good point. Or that bloated, drunken smirky look! So. I was reading IMDB, as one does, and I couldn't help but notice that one of the comments on his profile was titled "his butt." So...I clicked on it. Because, OBVIOUSLY.
Sarah: mmhmmmm
Lisa: The thread was completely bizarre. The first commenter was all, "Has anyone seen his butt?" And someone replied, "Yes, in some show (blah blah), it was nice."
Sarah: lol
Lisa: And then the first commenter said, "So...was it soft and squeezable, or hard and muscly?"
Sarah: HA! Why didn't she just see for herself, since she needed such detailed descriptions??
Lisa: So then another commenter was like, "Um. That's a weird question. It's hard to tell from TV, but it looked pretty muscly. HERE'S A PICTURE."
Sarah: Well? did it look muscly?
Lisa: It did indeed.
Sarah: That's weird. That's the sort of investigating you do on your own.

Ten minutes pass.

Lisa: Admit it, now you're curious about Adam Baldwin's butt.
Sarah: Vaguely. Are you wanting to send me a picture?
Lisa: No. As you said, that is research that should be done on your own.
Sarah: Well, at least not with STRANGERS.

Ten more minutes pass.

Sarah: So are you going to show me Adam Baldwin's butt, or what?
Lisa: Ha! It is linked from his IMDB comments. Or you could probably Google it. But boy, will your face be red when you get fired for Googling "adam baldwin butt!"
Sarah: lol

30 minutes pass.

Lisa: So, did you look it up?
Sarah: No. I don't want to be fired!
Lisa: Probably wise.

Sarah: Catchphrase

The Juab County newspaper is called The Times-News. I can only assume their slogan is "The most poorly named newspaper of the West."

This movie is bad. It could also be known as Time Treasure, following in the grand tradition of National Treasure and the beloved International Treasure (okay, I haven't actually seen that one). Note to Lisa: there is so much on the internet about Matthew McConaughey's super short arms. See?

Speaking of my adorable sister, if you want to fill her with rage, just mention the Diet Dr. Pepper slogan: "There's Nothing Diet About It," because, well, there is something diet about it.

Lisa: maybe if i just put a picture of myself next to the doorbell, that will scare them off

When I read Mindy's rant about door-to-door salespeople, I remembered how I felt when we first moved in to our neighborhood. I'm not normally a fan of door signs, and the 'no soliciting' signs you can buy are pretty hideous. On Gabrielle's recommendation, I took advantage of a trip to Color Me Mine with the girls to make my own. The colors are a little off in this picture, but here's the result:

Anyway, it works like a charm on everyone who knows what "soliciting" means.

In other Perschon-family reading, I tried the Celebrity Morph that Charles posted about, but after the site tried to match my face with Dave Navarro, Lance Bass, and Robert DeNiro, I gave up. Sarah, you don't still think you're the mannish one, do you?

Lisa: Can you dig it?

If we lent you our VHS copy of Shaft, will you let me know? I was totally planning to pack that bad boy in my hospital bag.

Sarah: Brain Dump, List Edition

Wanting:

cute galoshes. Oh, and don't you think that Lisa's baby needs some too? I'm so glad we agree.

Peach Days, the second most delicious festival in Utah. The first is Raspberry Days in Bear Lake. Mmmmm...

Plotting:

Sarah: Is there a support group for this?

With my landlord moving out of the house and leaving me with a cable and internet bill that has more than tripled in cost, I am assessing how much I am willing to spend on these services.
I'm considering some sort of technological detox for the semester, including getting rid of my own cable and internet and possibly even lending out my TiVo to a friend. This would save me an embarrassing amount of money and possibly make me a more interesting person, as I would have more to talk about than music videos and CSI. Not to mention the chiropractic benefit, as I would probably stop falling asleep on my couch. The following is my internet/TV shame:
1. I've started watching The Hills. Seriously. How the mighty have fallen.
2. I woke up at 4 am to a sharp pain in my hip. I got up off the couch and hobbled to bed. My couch broke my hip, you guys.
3. I absent-mindedly started singing "Who Are You" while hanging out with friends. Mallory completely called me on it, and deservedly so.
4. Two words: Internet. Boyfriends.

On the other hand, could I survive it? Would I merely purchase DVD after DVD to feed my addiction? Will it hurt my schoolwork to not have internet access at my home? Will my friends invite me to their houses to watch our stories?

So. I need to decide in the next two hours. To cancel my internet and cable or not? That is the question. Please give me your insight.

Update: I've canceled my cable tv and my landlord is looking at how much it will cost me to keep my internet. No more ANTM marathons, no more Spike TV, no more FX. For at least one semester. Sniffle. Anyone want to go bunny-ears shopping?

Oh, and to Emily in the comments: We'll see if this move results in more dating. It's an interesting idea. I'm sure I'll over-share all about it in the blog if it does.

Lisa: Through Any Window

Jenna Fischer is such a babe. Read about her experience shooting the video on her MySpace. And the video is directed by the nerdy guy from Lane's band!

Lisa: There was no "giant pregnant stomach" body type.

About a month ago, when ljc posted her Simpsons avatar, I checked out the Simpsons Movie site and tried making a few. The Simpson avatar maker is like a less-sophisticated version of the Mii-maker; you choose facial features, hairstyle, etc. that you think match your own. I came up with a fairly decent one for Blake, but I didn't think there were enough options to get a real likeness, so I didn't make one for myself.

Burger King's Simpsonizer supposedly takes a photo and actually morphs it into a Simpsons-like character. I'd seen a few surprisingly good likenesses, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. You still get to choose skin color, hair color, accessories, and body type, but it's in the guise of tweaking your Simpsonized photo, instead of starting from scratch. I tried it twice. The first time, my Simpson-self was a middle-aged black woman. The second try was a lot closer, but had long, glamorous dark red hair. Here's what came out after a bit of messing around:

Not too bad, I think! I mean, completely ridiculous of course, but not bad!

Lisa: my love is like whoa

I thought I was already a pretty big Office fan, but my Mindy Kaling love has grown by leaps and bounds since I found Things I've Bought that I Love, to which she is a frequent contributor. TIBTIL was linked on not martha, and I was thinking "this girl is awesome and hilarious and I want to be her" and then there was a picture and it was Mindy Kaling and my brain exploded.

(You can thank me later.)

Sarah: Flight of the Conchords

My brother Dave gave me the link to this new show on HBO. Funny stuff.

See? There are plenty more video clips at the site. Check them out. Now if only I had HBO...

Lisa: what to expect when you're expecting a vampire baby

Blake and I watched two episodes of Heroes last night, which brought up some very important issues that had to be resolved before we could go to sleep.

1. If you could have any mutant power, what power would you choose?
2. Are Magneto's powers stupid?
3. If the baby could have any mutant power, what would you want it to be?
4. If the baby could be any horror-movie creature, what would you want it to be?

These questions were tricky to come to a consensus on, particularly because Blake answered in this highly irritating fashion:

1. Magneto's powers.
2. No. They are AWESOME.
3. The power to make sound waves into light. (I was able to bargain him into controlling the weather.)
4. A vampire.

Sarah: Boy, Is my face red.

Nearing the end of my workday, I took a quick break to use the restroom. While washing my hands, I glanced in the mirror to check the frizz levels of my hair (assessment: Threat Level Yellow) and lip gloss shine factor (assessment: 0 shine remains. Bummer.). Then I noticed a pinkish spot on my cheek. It felt slightly puffy and sensitive to the touch. I decided that it could be nothing other than a flesh-eating bacteria. Obviously I needed a second opinion.
I walk briskly out of the restroom to consult Marci.
"I have a flesh-eating bacteria on my face. See? See??"
I stand on my toes to lean over the front of the reception desk. Marci soothes my paranoia and tells me that she doesn't see anything on my face. "Right here! It's eating my face off. I saw it on America's Next Top Model. Marci, I have a flesh-eating bacteria."
"Sarah," she smiles, "your face is fine."
"I have a bacteria! Look! The spot is right there!"
I twirl around to head back to the bathroom mirror for confirmation.
And then I see something.
A man in a suit sitting in the conference room, waiting to speak with my boss.
"Oh. Hi. I have a flesh-eating bacteria."
He smiles, nervously.
Just then, the president of the company walks past.
"Sarah, stop scaring people away."

"I have a flesh-eating bacteria on my face."

Sarah: A short note

Dear Mekhi Phifer,

Starring as the romantic interest in Honey, O, and Carmen: A Hip Hopera forms some sort of shame-trifecta that is not entirely overcome by having a break-through role in Spike Lee's Clockers.

Just Sayin'

Sarah

Sarah: Shut up, Alex.

Our obsession with Grey's Anatomy here at Two Loose Teeth is fairly well-documented. What I haven't written about, however, is my main frustration with this tv show. During the first two seasons of this weekly hour of sometimes tearful bliss, the writers kept telling us how hot Alex was. He was fine, I suppose, but patient after patient would blush or fawn or flirt with Alex because he was supposedly so good-looking. Yet the audience seemed less than enthused. Okay, I guess some people thought he was hot. Those people aside, I found myself yelling at the tv screen almost every week from the couch "He's not. THAT. HOT." Still, the actor looked oddly familiar to me, so I did a bit of research. Had I seen him in The Musketeer? No, I'm more of a Chris O'Donnell girl myself (spooky Grey's Anatomy connection!), so I never saw that film. How many D'Artagnans does one woman need, after all? Apparently Justin Chambers was a model. No, that wasn't where I knew him from either. I suppose I remember him from The Wedding Planner (dude, JLo does not make a plausible Italian. Why did they make that a somewhat major plot point?), but I knew him from something more obscure. Something missing from his IMDB entry.
And then I remembered. He's the star of the Dave Matthews Band music video for "Ants Marching." So, um. There you go. Mystery solved.

Obviously I have digressed, but my point in all this is: why did the creators spend so much time forcing us to accept that Alex was hot, when we could have spent that time with lingering camera shots of pretty, pretty Izzie? Or Denny? Because Denny can make a girl cry with a single glance.

Lisa: I'd like to thank the Academy

Helen Mirren always looks amazing at awards shows--gorgeous and sexy but age-appropriate. I'm so glad my favorite act of the Oscars recognized her hotness too. Here's to aging gracefully! I don't know about you, but I plan to stick a picture of Ms. Mirren to my bathroom mirror.

Lisa: M-F-E-O

Lisa: I think I need more Tim Gunn in my life.
Sarah: Hee. Don't. We. All.
Lisa: In my head I just imagined his voice saying "Where's Andrae?" and I started giggling.
Sarah: Andrae= googley-head, which adds hilarity.
Lisa: TOTALLY. I think Tim Gunn would make me sack up and offer me some much-needed direction in all areas of my life.
Sarah: It's possible. He's good like that.
Lisa: Plus, I can picture him looking at my hair and sort of shaking his head with his hand on his chin, all "Well.....make it work!"
Sarah: Speaking of hair, I really liked [our cousin] Heidi's and I've been wanting to dye mine ever since we saw her at Christmas.
Lisa: It was so pretty! But...your hair is already dark? And her hair is straight but with enough wave/body to make it do the swoopy styled thing.
Sarah: Yeah, but I want to dye it darker. Plus, it's growing out anyway. I have to do something with it.
Lisa: OH MY GOSH.
Sarah: What?
Lisa: Nothing. I temporarily went insane and was like "We could have twinner sculpted Jetson hair! Just alike!" and then I had to remove that part of my brain with a scalpel. Apparently I left some bits.
Sarah: Don't make me giggle out loud. I love that part of your brain. Can I keep it? Maybe in my pocket or on a saucer somewhere in my house?
Lisa: Hee. I have it in a jar and keep it in the back of a very dark drawer, pulling it out only occasionally to bark "BAD BRAIN" at it. Then I shake the jar a little before replacing it.
Sarah: Oh, that makes me sad.
Lisa: Don' t feel bad for the Jetson-hair-twins part of my brain. It should be punished.
Sarah: No, no! If you don't want it, let me have it!! It needs sunlight, Lisa. I can give it WHAT IT NEEDS. Plus, I love Jetson hair. Many of the side ponytails of my youth were inspired by the Jetson daughter.

Lisa: Tales of Eternia

Sometimes when I get in bed feeling a little stressed, I ask Blake to tell me a story to take my mind off things. Here's what happened last night:

Lisa: Tell me a story.
Blake: Okay. (Thinks for a minute.) Once upon a time, in a magical land, there was a boy who was a prince. And he had a cat.
Lisa: A pet cat?
Blake: Yes. And it was a scaredy-cat.
Lisa: Hee. This sounds like a good story. What was the cat's name?
Blake: Cringer.
Lisa: That's a good name for a cat! What was the boy's name?
Blake: (Pause.) Adam. And Adam had lots of fr--
Lisa: Wait! Did Prince Adam have a friend who had no legs but wore a dress and a hat and could fly?
Blake: HAHAHAHA! YES! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?! (More uncontrollable laughter.)
Lisa: (Punching Blake in the arm) You tricked me! You tried to tell me the story of He-Man!
Blake: (Laughing) I thought you'd figure it out by the time I got to Castle Grayskull!

Then we told each other the stories of several cartoons, discussed the irritating Snarf/Thundercats and Pluto/Goofy dichotomy at length, and I tried to explain the plot of the Smurfs movie with the magic flute (which I was very fuzzy on) and how it was disturbingly different from the TV cartoon.

Thanks, Blake! It might have been He-Man, but your story did the trick.

Lisa: you can take my breath away

Real men sing karaoke.

...And apparently wear very shiny suits. Rawr.

(Thanks, More Than That!)

Lisa: two hearts that beat as one

Since Sarah and I are pretty much the same person, we've been sending each other text messages as mental notes to ourselves. Here's what we wanted to remember tonight:

Lisa: The Family Dean

Seems a bit incestuous, doesn't it?

Lisa: I hate you so much right now

Advertisers must be wary of association with the scandal-fest that is Nip/Tuck, because FX seems to play the same two commercials over and over during the show. One (a set of trailers, actually) is for Dirt, starring Courtney Cox. The other causes me to involuntarily gouge out my eyes with the nearest sharp implement, shrieking ineffectually at the TV screen, "A SHRUG IS NOT A SHIRT!!!!!!!!"

It is hard to watch Nip/Tuck with no eyes. FX, have mercy!

Lisa: I told you so.

So, remember when I was talking about how I thought there was a Ghostbusters cartoon with a gorilla, and how everybody thought I was insane?

WELL I WASN'T.

While I was looking for the answer to that mystery, I came upon this rather complete listing of cartoons from when I was a kid which not only made me sing the Thundercats song out loud but also serendipitously gave me the answer to another puzzle.

Now when I say, "Remember that cartoon with the animals with words on their shirts? And the words were like...what they were THINKING?" you'll know what I'm talking about. So, no more glazed looks, guys, ok? Guys? HELLO?????

Lisa: a week in pictures

I had a hard week this week, but the best girlfriends in the world kept me busy and helped me through it.

Tuesday, I voted (here I am at my polling location)...

and then Sarah and Marci met me at Crown Burger before Nip/Tuck. Mallory couldn't join us because she was listening to Pete's concession speech.

Sarah was concentrating very hard on drafting our proposed changes to Crown Burger's wikipedia entry. I'll let you know when we post them BECAUSE IT WILL BE AWESOME.

Wednesday, Molly and I started watching Firefly.

Thursday, we ate at The Pie and Marci treated us to Pride and Prejudice at Pioneer Theater,

where I wore my new shoes...

and we were told we had no class by these fine denim-clad people.

Friday, we went to the Ben Lee concert at Saltair, where we heard Under the Influence of Giants,

Rooney (otherwise known as the band from The O.C. fronted by the guy from Princess Diaries),

and Ben himself, who was adorable and awesome and wearing a suit made of gold glitter.

I hope Sarah talks more about the concert, because (Mallory's hate of Rooney notwithstanding) it was really fun.

Saturday was wallow day. I met Sarah at her apartment with egg burritos and we watched music videos and assorted mindless MTV programming pretty much all day. Mallory and Marci joined us after dinner for Newsies. It probably goes without saying, but we sang along. Loudly.

Thanks so much, ladies, for being there when I needed you. You are fun and funny and smart and beautiful, and you make life bearable.

Sarah: That would be... pretty good...

Mallory and I discuss her answers on a quiz.

Sarah: 29. Who's your favorite Disney princess and why?
Jasmine, because she's the coolest? and has the hottest boyfriend? PLUS She gets to ride on a magic carpet AND is friends with a genie, talking parrot and monkey. ...Um.
M: Aladdin IS THE HOTTEST. I mean c'mon. Eric? The human beast? SIMBA? ALADDIN'S ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVORITE.
S: Eric is quite dreamy...
M: No he's not. He's all squarish.
S: Ew. The Beast-Beast is hotter than the Human-Beast. We called him Prince Saucerlips.
M: And Aladdin has a hotter personality. Lol.
S: I. Um. We can't talk about this anymore because it's making me giggle excessively.
M: I just almost spit out my water giggling. Thats all.

M: Aladdin really is the hottest character. Who else is there to think is hot? Prince Charming? WOODY FROM TOY STORY? I dunno why I'm being so defensive of my attraction to Aladdin.
S: Lol. Aladdin is hot.
M: Mostly I want you to know that my love for him is a true love, and not based on my current relationships.
S: I had a crush on him. Lol.
M: PLUS his voice is totally Steve from Full House. And who DIDN'T have a crush on DJ's boyfriend?
S: Dude. I don't remember that guy. I remember that DJ once went out with an older guy with a moustache and her dad was all upset, but then realized that he was dating a really young girl.
M: Danny Tanner... What a pervert. She went to Europe and when she came back she told everyone she had a surprise for everyone? And it was Steve? And they were together FOREVER and then broke up after hiking to the top of a mountain. Lol.
S: Wow. Was the mountain a metaphor for their love?
M: YES! OBVIOUSLY THEIR LOVE WAS TRUE AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER IT.
S: Wait. If their love was true, why did they break up?
M: I think they went to different colleges. Mostly I think Steve decided to become Aladdin.

M: I'm sort of ashamed right now.

Lisa: This is thriller, thriller night

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I guess I did say I wanted to do something more low-key for Halloween this year, but working until 9 and then going to Crown Burger might be a little lower than I anticipated. There was no Zuul. There was no Leia. Pretty much we sat around taking pictures of each other...taking pictures of each other. I think all that partying (or, you know, campaigning, or school, or work, or whatever) has taken its toll.

Not that it wasn't awesome, because it was! Plus, after Crown Burger we headed to Nip/Tuck night at Marci's, complete with midget sex (sorry you missed it, Mal!), murder by omission and the associated kidney thievery, Alanis as a controlling lesbian, and plenty of snarky debauchery from our pal Christian.

I just wish I'd worn a costume.

Sarah: Props

After making the unanimous decision among the group that props increased the quality of our girls nights, Mallory, Marci, Lisa, and I enjoyed a flurry of themed items. The cupcakes were supposed to be a Halloween-themed treat (did I mention that I was going to attempt some ambitious chocolate spiderwebs on top of the frosting to make them look more spooky? Because I was, and they were going to be beautiful.), but we all know how those turned out. Fortunately, we have had more successful props.

There are certain things everyone should love. Among those things are vampires and pumpkin pie. Lisa brilliantly united the two with a pumpkin pie ice cream cake with chocolate cake and a frosting vampire. Did I just blow your mind?

What about now? It was delicious, and all of the girls were looking deliciously cute.

Lately we've been in the habit of calling each other our BFFs (Best Friends Forever), and our cake proudly bore a Marci quote: The F is for Forever.

For Nip/Tuck night I brought along Operation (Mal sang the theme song, and it was awesome.)

Lisa won the game. You can tell by her evil grin, and by Marci's sad face.

In other operation news, Rosie O'Donnell was on Nip/Tuck.

She was actually more likable than I thought she would be, and I liked her banter with Christian Troy.

The verdict: We like props!

Lisa: not a bad day

After I got yelled at by an old man in the Harmons parking lot (the note he left under my wiper: "the fact that you didn't see even see me tells me that you need to WAKE UP") and then accidentally honked at a cop, I needed a pick-me-up. Mallory and Marci came through.

One of Mallory's favorite things to do is go to the Friday-night Gallery Stroll, and I'm always glad when she convinces us to go. This week we started at Finch Lane, since they were showing Shawn Rossiter's 90-foot Tiamat, which circled one whole room of the gallery. I'm a Shawn Rossiter groupie, and I loved Tiamat and the idea behind it, but I am still disturbed that on November 4th it will be cut up and sold for $50 per square foot. I get it, but...it still seems wrong. Besides, someone has already spoken for Adam's groin.

Then we went to the Rio Grande train depot gallery where Simon Blundell, Mallory's mentor, had some photos being shown. The pretty art people in their glamorous clothes were out in force, and so were the sesame seed sugar cookies. Awesome.

Blake joined us for dinner at Paradise Bakery, where I almost had to throw down with a lesbian couple who were insulting my salad, and then we all met Maureen at the theater to watch the brain-meltingly awesome The Prestige. Between that and Little Miss Sunshine, I am regaining hope for American cinema--I think the last time that I enjoyed a movie so much was two years ago.

Sarah: "Life Doesn't Hold Tryouts."

Despite our embarrassingly well documented love for bad movies, I can't help but express why last night was so very awesome. Mallory and I sat on my couch for a couple hours, playing on the internet and watching Center Stage. This movie was cheesier than either of us remembered, but I still loved it. Or rather, I did when I wasn't yelling at the tv screen "HE WAS NEVER. YOUR BOYFRIEND. HE USED YOU." and "EAT THE PIZZA, ANOREXIC GIRL" and similar. Why do I love this movie? I'm so glad you asked. Although other dancing movies feature one or two of several character types, Center Stage includes all of them. It is the movie that embraces all cliches equally. And that? Is my kind of movie. Behold, the characters:

I'm sure there are more examples, but you get the idea. This movie is all kinds of shameful awesome.

Sarah: I'll be your love suicide

Lisa sent me my favorite text of the week (and it's only Monday!):

The ladies who work at McDonalds are totally discussing if the lyrics to 'i'll be' are "crying shoulder" or "crying soldier."

Now, I didn't know anyone had thought about this song since my senior year of high school (see also: Lighthouse's "Hanging By a Moment"), but I was surprised how right "crying soldier" sounded when you keep singing the lyric that way. How many other people thought this song was more military than it actually was? Apparently a lot. At least the McD ladies were smart enough to not think Edwin McCain had earnestly vowed to be your Captain Aphid and your better wetter holder.

The more I thought about this song (class was boring today, sorry), I kept thinking that "I'll Be" was in a movie. It turns out that I was right. But I've never seen that movie! It is, however, in my Netflix Queue... I know. I'm a little ashamed. Not ashamed enough to take it off, though. Besides, people seem to love the soundtrack for this movie. And I trust pink_suga and missy_prissy13 explicitly.

Back to the mistaken lyric, have you ever wondered what has been written about crying soldiers? Well, this poem, for one. The google image search was mostly sad.

In conclusion, bad poetry and cheesey teen movie soundtracks? Good. Trying to make fun of crying soldiers? Bad. Soldiers are good. I am pro-soldier. They do a job I couldn't do.

I leave you with my favorite mondegreen: Dress it up with the droppings of a lamb.

Lisa: I am the gatekeeper

I was thinking about dressing as Pam for Halloween, but after seeing the original Ghostbusters last night for the first time, I'm thinking Zuul is the way to go. Seriously, how hot is she?

Also, I might have fallen in love with Egon. So...I'm attracted to nerds. This is not news.

Assignment for the internet:
Until I looked it up just now, I was pretty sure that on the Ghostbusters cartoon, one of the team members was a gorilla. Wikipedia shows no evidence of this. Maybe there was a show on around the same time that featured a gorilla and a man wearing a khaki jumpsuit? And the gorilla and the man might have ridden down some kind of slide during the opening sequence? The first person to figure out what show that was gets a very special prize. Until then, this is going to drive me to Snorks levels of pseudo-memory-driven insanity.

Lisa: We're bringin' Buffy back

Luckily, Sarah suggested we bring along a few props when we stopped at Crown Burger before heading to Darby's for the newly-reinstituted Buffy Night.

If you look carefully, behind me in this picture you can see the guy who visited the men's room approximately 50 times during the course of our meal.

Lisa: Heigl's Dialectic

The newly bloggerific Mindy brought to my attention the fact that Katherine Heigl grew up LDS. How did I not know this? It isn't mentioned in her rather extensive IMDB bio (which does happen to mention that she dated Joey Lawrence), so perhaps I can be excused. As Sarah so insightfully asked, WHY ARE WE NOT FRIENDS WITH HER YET?

Lisa: Heartbreaker, got the best of me

Monday morning I was blissed out in front of a Grey's Anatomy rerun on the TiVo, when this promo caught me unawares. I admit I teared up a little. It was nothing compared to the Sobfest of May Ought-Six, which almost got me banned from TV-watching entirely. ("But what about Dean and OTHER Dean??? SOOOOOBBBBBB!!!!!!") And at least I wasn't the only one rendered emotional by one ridiculous minute of old footage.

Apparently I'm also not the only one who has noticed that Katherine Heigl is the perfect woman. She is so gorgeous and glowing, and not all skinny and brittle like most of Hollywood. She looks like a real woman, but the most perfect real woman who has ever been born. She is totally on my list. Ahem.

September 21st is either going to be the happiest or saddest day of my life.

Lisa: TOOL OF THE WEEK

I know everyone already knows about

YOUTUBE,

but seriously. Where else can you find the Osmonds completely rocking out, Mormon-style (thanks, Heather!)? Or the worst music video ever? Or D-Bo dancing on Angel? And all on the same website?

Thanks, YouTube, for improving my quality of life.

Lisa: I love you, Fitzy

Pride and Prejudice retold with dolls.

Shh! Shhhhhh!

Go read it now. You will thank me.

Lisa: Grizzly Man

You would think a documentary about a man who gets eaten by a grizzly bear would be exciting enough to keep Sarah and David awake. You would be wrong.

Lisa: freezer paper stencil

Sarah sewed me a tote bag for no other reason than that she is super nice. All that was left to do was add a decorative element. I decided to try out the freezer paper stenciling Mariko mentioned, and I used some screenprinting ink Sarah bought for another project (because I am just a moocher like that). In keeping with my current Office obsession, I decided to use am image from the show's credits. I figured only fans of the show will know what it is from. Linds20 helped me find a screencap of the image, which I just cut out of the freezer paper with scissors. I'm not too skilled with X-Acto knives. Once I had the design cut out, I ironed the freezer paper to the fabric, stippled the screenprinting ink on with a brush, let it dry a bit, and then peeled off the paper. Then I heat-set the ink with the iron, so it should last through washings and stuff if necessary.

Here's the bag:

And here's a closeup of the stencil/screenprint:

I love how it turned out. Thanks, Sarah!

Sarah: He's a ghost, and he talks to us.

On Monday night, Jessie, Mallory, and I had an impromptu hang-out. This evening would turn out to be a very fond memory, thanks in large part to Hollywood Video. I have not been a frequent visitor to this store as of late for a variety of reasons, but mainly because they do not have the same No-Late-Fees policy as Blockbuster Video. With the exception of the unfortunate Now I Own That Copy Of House of Wax Because I Can't Find It experience, this policy has probably saved my college funds from utter destruction. However, when the DVD player at my apartment broke, Blockbuster let us down in the VHS department.

This is where the genius of Hollywood Video comes in: they have a wonderfully complete VHS selection. Not just new releases or just old classics. ALL MOVIES. Think of a movie. Got one? Yeah, THEY HAVE THAT ON VHS.

Mallory, Jessie, and I decided that going old school format should also mean old school material. What did we watch when VHS tapes were at their peak? Why, we watched Goosebumps, Ghostwriter, and Fraggle Rock.

I. Know.

We saved Fraggle Rock for another day when we were with the full group (us plus Lisa and Marci), since Marci is a big fan, but these two were too good to pass up. They were everything we could have hoped for.

The acting in Goosebumps was pretty terrible, but I think Mallory was still a little scared. This particular tape told the story of a girl whose father turns into a mad scientist and nearly becomes a plant. It is interesting how easily your memory can be triggered: I didn't think I had ever watched Goosebumps as a kid until I remembered exactly the introductory sequence. I didn't just watch Goosebumps. I enjoyed it thoroughly. And it scared me.

Ghostwriter is another thing. I've expressed my love for Ghostwriter before. This show was on tv at a very formative point in my life and Team Ghostwriter perfectly represented all that I wanted to be. How could they not?

While watching the video (the tape was in the wrong case: we didn't find out who burnt Mr. Brinker's store, but watched the pilot episode instead), I remembered that I used to tease my side ponytail in an attempt to reach Gaby's beautiful volume. Her older brother Alex was one of my first crushes, and when I looked him up on IMDB today, I was a little disappointed to see he had not appeared in any films recently.

I have added a Ghostwriter video to my Amazon wishlist because I simply cannot explain how much I loved watching this show. It must be experienced.

Some fun facts to entice you:
-Spike Lee has a glow in the dark Ghostwriter sticker! You can too if you write for one before 1994. Oh wait...
-Are you a fan of Samuel L. Jackson's early work? ARE YOU REALLY? Because if so, you should know that he plays Jamal's dad.
-Remember Jamal? Played by Sheldon Turnipseed? He was in Mo' Better Blues with Samuel L. Jackson. And, incidentally, Spike Lee. Maybe that's when they all met. It's New York-tastic!
-I dare you to read this site and not get a craving for Ghostwriter. Go ahead. Pretend that you don't want to see the Box of Serenity.

I think my next craft project may involve a stencil made from this image.

Maybe I can somehow create a patch for my denim jacket.

Lisa: he always leaves ME satisfied and smiling

I have never known TV love like this before. Dean is nothing to me. Adam Brody's show has become an unwatchable mess. Topher isn't even on TV anymore, although he does look hot in the Spiderman 3 trailer. Wentworth Miller may sing a capella and have graduated from Princeton, but his middle-distance stare is losing its charm. Angel--as much as it pains me to say it--was overrated, and Agent Booth...well, he hasn't been showing up on my TiVo this summer and I have to admit I haven't really missed him. But...Jim? and Jim and Pam? Some coherent analysis may be in order but I am finding it hard to type while in puddle form.

Sarah: How to Charm Me...

Refer to your rigidly structured Monday evenings as "Jack Bauer Hour."

Sarah: A Picture Not Posted Is A Picture Wasted.

So, there's this picture of Armando that he sent to me when we were first getting to know each other. I never especially liked it until recently. It seemed over-posed, and he seemed sort of cocky and self-important. Then I noticed something about the picture that made me fall in love with it. Let me explain.

Remember that tv show Ghostwriter? With the group of kids that solved mysteries with the help of a bouncing dot that only they could see? And it would rearrange the letters in their carefully written notebook, or on a sign or magazine? And the kids were all different races, but were all smart and friends, and they dressed in their awesomely 90's-tastic clothes? With the vests, and the tights with shorts, and the Blossom hats, and the overalls? And remember how it was so awesome, and you got all excited about the mystery, and you sort of had your first crush on that one boy, and you totally had the pen on the lanyard necklace, just in case you had to solve a crime? And how you would stare at your notebook when you were trying to figure something out, hoping that Ghostwriter would rearrange the letters and give you a clue? And you worried that maybe Ghostwriter hadn't helped you because he didn't have the right letters to work with? No? That was just me?

Well, realizing that Armando was wearing overalls and an open button-up shirt while sitting on the stoop of an apartment building in New York made me imagine that he was on Team Ghostwriter. And that is what made me love this picture.

Lisa: No, I'm your tiny dancer

Sarah, Mallory, Marci and I tried to go see Take the Lead last weekend, but it wasn't out yet. We ended up renting The Craft instead, a movie I always wanted to see but was never allowed to. But I digress...

Sarah: Speaking of things that are crazy, Mal just texted me
Lisa: Oh, crazy Mal!
Sarah: and said that Jeff Vice (movie reviewer for the Deseret News) gave Take The Lead a decent review! (I could find no physical evidence of this.)
Lisa: whoa
Sarah: Which means... WE TOTALLY WATCH HIGH QUALITY MOVIES!
Lisa: Hee. This would be the first one.
Sarah: Plus, it's supposed to be heartwarming! And who DOESN'T need a warmer heart? I ask you.
Lisa: It would warm my heart even if it was about cold-blooded dancing criminals.
Sarah: HA HA HA. As long as they were dancing. That's why you love West Side Story so very, very much.
Lisa: Well, that is because of the singing and the snapping IN ADDITION to the dancing.

Lisa: I heart Agent Booth

I think there were enough reasons in the Two Bodies in the Lab episode alone to make any hot-blooded female viewer fall in love with Agent Booth.

Seriously. How much can one woman stand?

Edited to add: bonus photo of D-Bo and Emily Deschanel

Lisa: You know, I'd feel your thigh, but I'm so full of decency

Dear Beyonce and Company,

Gluing a sparkly piece of jewelry to the top of your butt crack does not actually disguise the fact that said butt crack is visible. I think the solution you're looking for is taller pants.

Sincerely,

Contusion G. Mammalian

Sarah: The only time I've wished to be Christina Ricci

Armando and I recently watched the final 5 minutes of Slackers when it was on tv. We watched in silence, except for when I said "Hey! It's Casper."

To which Armando acted like I was insane, because Devon Sawa is not a cartoon. Oh, it is troubling to date someone so old and out of touch... Next thing I know, he won't be familiar with Tom and Huck.

Lisa: Pre-training: Week 3, Day 3

I snoozed my alarm for the first time on a running day this morning! Don't get me wrong, I am no stranger to the snooze button on regular days, but so far I have been good about hopping out of bed on training days when the alarm first rings. Maybe the fact that Sarah and I stayed up until 1:30 am watching Rounders after my concert had something to do with it. (Matt, call me!) Anyway, Sarah and I got to Tanner Park to meet Marci about 15 minutes late. The loop around the park is paved, and took us about seven minutes to walk all the way around at our "fast walking pace." Needless to say, it is not a big park. It was pretty dark, especially on the side of the loop furthest from the parking lots, and there were some muddy puddles to navigate around. I think it will be a good place for us to train once in a while, though, because it is so hilly. Also, if it weren't so dark I bet the view would be nice. The best news about this morning is that it was SO warm. I didn't need gloves or my coat! Not very Christmassy, but much better for early morning running.

130.5 lbs, 29% body fat

Sarah: "I kissed Rory Gilmore and still got stuck with a James Van Der Beek cast-off."

Lisa and I discuss my review of House of Wax.

Lisa: So JPad and CMM totally flirt with each other.
Sarah: well, possibly. It could have been friendly banter, but I have a feeling that CMM does NOT heart JPad.
Lisa: Oh really? I am sure he thinks he is much better than him.
Sarah: He probably got passed over for the New York Minute role and has been bitter ever since.
Lisa: HA
Sarah: Or maybe I just WANT that to be the case.
Lisa: He chose Hilary Duff over MK&A.
Sarah: Plus, JPad got Rory.
Lisa: Hee. True, true. And CMM had to head over to the Creek to sex up one of Katie Holmes' sidekicks.
Sarah: lol. Which is sort of sad, really. Because that means he played second to James Van der Beek. Who is uggo. And a bad actor. And uggo.
Lisa: Hee. Totally. Beeky crying=audience laughter.

Sarah: They're real people. Underneath.

Armando and I have started watching really bad horror movies. It's fun to watch something that makes you jump, but is also hilarious. So far I've refused to watch Frankenfish, but Armando kindly followed my suggestion and rented House of Wax when he came over to hang out on Saturday. I was certain this movie would be horrible. Why? Paris Hilton, for one. And no one can be smarmy and annoying quite like Chad Michael Murray. Ever since he called Rory "Mary" incessantly, I've hated him. So. We were primed for an awesomely awful evening. And House of Wax did not disappoint.

The movie was significantly better than expected (and way better than Boogeyman, also known as Darkness Falls Two: More of the Same). This is not to say that we couldn't see who was going to survive and who would die within the first 20 minutes of the film, or that the characters behaved like real people that might have seen a single horror film, or even had common sense, but it was entertaining. The deaths were scary, the antagonist was creepy, and I even was surprised by one situation. I don't want to give it away, however, because EVERYONE SHOULD RENT THIS MOVIE. You may think I'm insane, but you must watch the special features.

Information I learned from this dvd:
1. Spawn of Kiefer is a complete coffee fiend.
2. And the shortest person in the universe.
3. Paris Hilton is even more dumb than I could have imagined. But she does a pretty good job acting on the movie. Then again, she's portraying a rich slut, so perhaps it wasn't really 'acting' after all.
4. Chad Michael Murray may be a victim of typecasting: he perpetually plays a snotty, yet inwardly tortured punk kid.
5. Watching props fall on CMM's head is surprisingly satisfying. Possibly cathartic.

Four of the cast members (Spawn (aka Elisha Cuthbert), Chad Michael Murray, Paris Hilton, and Jared Padelecki (whose middle name is Tristan, and whose tv brother is named Dean, all of which is very confusing)) all sit on a couch to watch and discuss the deleted scenes. This was by far my favorite special feature. Spawn's coffee cup never gets more than a few inches from her face. JPad may or may not believe he is "down" (further supported by his robot dancing of the past). CMM always seems about two seconds from shouting "WHERE THE HELL IS MY AGENT?!" and walking offscreen. And Paris Hilton is either practically braindead, or heavily sedated.

Sample conversation:
PH: Oh yeah, that scene. They made us, like, do that scene over and over. And we kept having to like, go back? And do it over? Like, from the beginning. So I had to keep running. I was just like, so calm. So they made me run to get out of breath.
CMM: [staring at the tv screen]
Spawn: Oh my gosh, you guys. Oh my gosh. This was so. Funny. It wasn't on the script. He was just making it up? And we had to be serious. Oh my gosh. [Slurps coffee]
JPad: Oh yeah, it was, like totally so hard not to laugh.
CMM: You always say "like totally."
JPad: (flirtatiously?) Whatever. You're totally worse. You're all "like totally, like totally."
CMM: Yeah.
[Entire group watches tv as supporting cast member improvises a little song about the previous scene in the movie. It's actually fairly amusing. The scene changes, and the cast members seem about to discuss the next scene]
PH: No, he doesn't talk like that in real life.
[Awkward silence as the rest of the group thinks back to the conversation they were having five minutes earlier.]
Spawn: Yeah... He was acting. Making it up.

I could write more about the awesomeness, but I want everyone to experience it for themselves. Armando made me return it before Lisa had a chance to watch, though, and I was quite upset. Hopefully she and I will be able to arrange our own viewing.

Sarah: I'm Superficial.

Yesterday I applied for an editor position at The Superficial. Why? Because I read that site at least once a day, I want to be funny like them, and I'd love to be an editor. I don't know quite how the job would work, but I'm hoping that it's completely internet based. If that were the case, I could a) keep my current job (which I love), b) have an extra income from the part-time position that they are hiring for, c) have editorial experience, which I think is what I'd enjoy doing, and d) be considered funny, and possibly even have people other than my professors reading my work. So I'm hoping that I am seriously considered, but I know that the competition is tough, so I'm keeping my thoughts realistic.

The application process was fairly simple: Give some basic contact information, list websites you frequently read, write a short bio, and submit three sample posts. My sample posts are below:

While on tour together, Kelly Clarkson and Graham Colton found true love. I'm guessing this was not because of her fashion savvy.
"They have both lived in Dallas 'so they have that Texas thing in common,' a source close to the singers tells PEOPLE. "They're both very spiritual and mature for their ages. They are in a committed relationship."
One can practically bet money on a couple that has "that Texas thing" in common. Congratulations, Kelly. You've found what most of us can only dream of.
(Inspired by this article)

Matthew McConaughey is named the Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine. And by "sexiest" they mean "the most orange".
(Inspired by this article)

Charlize Theron says she's tired of being noticed for her good looks. I want to like her, and I often do, but when the article says "it's part of her job to hide her looks," I think of another starlet, Eva Longoria. When actresses lament the burden that is their beautiful faces, it just makes people hate them. Well, that, and when they're complete bitches.
(Inspired by this article)

Lisa: and may a flock of angels sing thee to thy rest

For us, Girls' Night was built on the foundation of Alias Night. We have been faithful viewers, and have even been known to watch in costume once in a while.

Unfortunately, Alias has become less and less enjoyable for many reasons, not the least of which is the loss of Vaughn and Agent Sean. We ultimately agreed to forego Alias in favor of Girls' Night activities we might actually enjoy, but we couldn't just stop watching without ceremony. Naturally, we decided to hold one final Alias Night: a funeral. And who, I ask you, can hold a TV funeral without fancy hats? Sarah bought the material and me made the hats while we watched. Awesome!

Lisa: Supernatural

My Tivo thoughtfully recorded for me the first two episodes of Supernatural, starring Jared Padalecki. In a selfless tribute to my beloved Gilmore Girls, I watched part of the pilot episode during lunch today. The promo spots I've seen on the WB weren't particularly informative, so I thought I'd do our readers a service and give a little overview of the show's premise.

Mr. Padalecki stars as Sam, one of two impossibly good-looking brothers (the other confusingly named Dean) whose mother was killed by some kind of supernatural ghostie/poltergiesty entity when they were very small. Their father raised them as supernatural-entity-fighting warriors, living on credit card scams and THEIR WITS. When Sam left this life of luxury for college, his father told him never to come back. A few years later, Dean comes to Sam (now a genius law school hopeful) to ask for help finding their father--who has disappeared on one of his ghost-hunting missions. They start retracing their father's steps, with the caveat that they have to be back by the next Monday morning for Sam's "law" "school" "interview."

Anyway, some pretty spooky special effects and horror-movie tactics were enjoyed by all (in this case, me). I'll let you know how the rest of the episode turns out.

Verdict: Suspended until further viewing.

Lisa: in Dante's ninth circle of Hell, the central of Lucifer's three mouths is reserved for Judas Iscariot

I have to come clean. I have shuffled the order of my Tivo season passes so that Bones has a higher priority than Gilmore Girls.

Let me explain why this is wrong. When two shows are on at the same time (as Bones and Gilmore Girls are), Tivo decides what to record based on the order of the shows in the season pass manager. Higher priority shows are recorded first, and then the Tivo might pick up reruns of the lower priority show if they're available and don't conflict with other season passes.

Basically, moving Bones up the priority list ensures it will be recorded at the expense of Gilmore Girls. But Gilmore Girls is supposed to be my beloved quality drama with excellent writing and acting, especially from Lauren Graham. I buy the DVD sets! I am an advocate for the show with non-believers! I have serious brand loyalty to Gilmore Girls. Furthermore, David Boreanaz is supposed to be my guilty pleasure. Plus his show is new and unproven (other than the fact that I liked the one episode I've watched so far).

The thing is that Gilmore Girls has been annoying and full of angst lately. Rory and the townies have grown menacing instead of lovable. I haven't even gotten up the energy to watch the season premiere yet. But...Bones...I watched it right away, and it was funny, and I actually found myself thinking that D-Bo's acting was good (in other words, I didn't think I was watching Angel)...

And it must be said: D-Bo looked smoking hot. Like, season two of Buffy hot. Not all bloated face and boufy hair, but lean and ripped with the cheekbones...and his shirt was tucked in. Plus, you know that Lauren Graham and Amy Sherman-Palladino are watching Bones.

Anyway, Tivo's opinion of me be damned! I'm going to go ahead and record the show I will actually enjoy watching, even if it is a guilty pleasure. I only wish I had had this epiphany earlier so I could have chosen So You Think You Can Dance over Lost reruns.

Lisa: I love your dentifrice

Ever since we performed it at my high school, I have had a soft spot in my heart for Bye Bye Birdie. Something made me think of it the other day, so I impulsively checked it out from the library (the library rocks!) and I watched it again last night. As the movie played, my mind wandered to what I'm sure it thought was a brilliant idea--a remake of Bye Bye Birdie starring Lindsay Lohan as Kim (played in this version by Ann-Margret)! With Topher Grace playing Hugo! And George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones playing Albert (the Dick Van Dyke character) and Rose, respectively! And then I got sidetracked, because who should play Kim's dad, replacing the guy who so adequately voiced Templeton in Charlotte's Web? The guy who voiced Flounder? Pumba? Mr. Potato Head?

And then I slapped some sense back into myself. Because those kind of thoughts are just not responsible. And what would we have if someone actually listened to my idea? A travesty, that's what. Anyway, Topher would never agree to do it.

On the other hand, Rose (Janet Leigh) had some killer dresses in that movie. It reminded me of that dress Diane Lane wore in Under the Tuscan Sun [disclaimer: that movie is crap] that I really liked. I want to make a cute fifties dress with a cinched waist and a super-full skirt! Sexayy, yet not revealing! I found a pattern I like, Simplicity 3068, but of course since it is actually from the fifties it is not currently available. Ideas?

Lisa: Advantage: Lohan

Normally, pop-princess vehicles and movies heavy on the singing and/or dancing teens are prime choices for girls' night. However, I fear that last night we went too far. By this I mean that we checked out Hilary Duff's Raise Your Voice from the library.

Keep in mind that our standards are low. The critically-acclaimed Bring It On (starring the aptly-anagrammed Dr. Sunken Tits) has happily shared TV time with One Wonky Eye's straight-to-DVD Drive Me Crazy. Even so, Raise Your Voice was by far the worst of its genre I have ever seen.

Lisa: What won't Val Kilmer do?

Dude. These would be some seriously awesome t-shirts.

Lisa: Bones

Thank you, Mallory, for bringing this to my attention. I'm not sure how I feel about the show's premise, but anything that gets D-Bo back on my TV is good.

Here's another photo.

And a video clip.

Sarah: Tool of the Week

By request of Lisa, and for just TOTALLY DESERVING IT, I am proud to announce that
CARSON DALY
is the Tool of the Week.

No project to follow. You are forbidden to make your own Carson.

Next week: It's shiny, painless, and leaves funny outlines on your driveway...

Lisa: Princess Peanutbuttercup

For our summer reading club kickoff party at the library, I am making a princess costume. Our theme is Dragons, Dreams, and Daring Deeds (cheesy, but hey, I didn't make it up). I decided to make the blue dress from the "I would not say such things if I were you!" scene in The Princess Bride. I haven't been able to find any pictures of the dress online, and I have been using a videotape for costume research, so I'm not sure how to make screencaps of my own. Anyway, I'll get some pictures up of the dress-making process soon.

The POINT is that I have a chin-length red bob with blond highlights. Not exactly your traditional princessy waist-length blond ringlets. I am trying to find a way to disguise at least the short length of my hair, while keeping the soft, feminine look Buttercup has in the movie. I don't think I want to wear a full wig. Here are some alternate options I've found online, but I'm not really loving any of them. Please send me your ideas! The good part is that this is a fairytale/fantasy princess, so I don't have to be authentic to any time period. Basically, it just has to look pretty.

Gotta love Maid Marian.

The idea is a stuffed fabric tube with ribbon twined around it and bits of fake hair sticking out the end. It would be fastened to my head somehow under a veil.

Princess Isabelle from Braveheart. This would involve net caul things over the ears stuffed with fake hair (or lined with fabric) with fake hair braids around them. I'm not sure about the circlet, but I would definitely want to forego the veil around the neck.

From Padme's Picnic Gown. I could handle the loose ringlets around the face, but I would need some kind of curly ponytail attachment for the back.

Pop some fake braids on there (if I can find the right color), find a way to slick the rest down in back, and we're good to go.

Drew wore sort of a be-pearled golden hairnet in Ever After.

This looks a lot like the pearly hairnet thing too, but maybe a bit smaller and neater.

Sort of a turban thing. Seems like it would be hard to get it to look right and then keep it up on your head.

Sort of a fabric bag tied on to the head. This is basically a variant on the hairnet idea, but you can't see the hair through it. Also, I thought this girl looked like she kind of had a bob.

A bunch of different crown/veil combinations. I don't think I would want anything around the front of my neck.

Lisa: I...love you...Padme

It's sad when the best thing I can think of to say about a movie is "it was WAY better than the first two!" And it's even more sad when that isn't really saying much. That's what the Star Wars franchise has done to people. Sars summed up my feelings on Revenge of the Sith pretty well. Here's an excerpt:

Lucas can really make a movie look like a million bucks. A big set piece, no problem. Huge battle sequences, shit-kicking Muppets, aging an evil chancellor three hundred years with static electricity, ain't no thing. Two people just talking to each other and he's at a complete loss.

Update: Also, don't miss these hilarious Star Wars country song titles on Fametracker.

Lisa: Sleep... Oh! how I loathe those little slices of death.

I had a series of disturbing and morbid dreams last night that may or may not warrant analysis.

1. Something involving a helicopter crash into a swamp. Of course, we had to pull out all the dead bodies, including Gwyneth Paltrow, Luke Perry, and Michael Vartan. We rolled them all up into one big bundle with a tarp. After the crash, I decided to hook up with a chubby but nice Agent Sean type. His roommates were very happy for him.

After that one, at about 3 am, I got up and brushed my teeth and washed my face and then went back to bed. I guess I felt dirty?

2. All I remember is visiting Kelso in a prison or detention facility or something. He was wearing a helmet.

3. I was on the set of a new Law and Order spinoff set in the 1950's and starring Christian Slater, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Winona Ryder (as one of a set of twins). I was very scornful of the whole thing, and kept pointing out anachronisms in the costumes.

4. After (finally) having sex with her boyfriend for the first time, a young blonde girl slid into a refrigerator on a little cart and closed the door after herself. This was totally not weird because it was her job and she was a professional. After a few minutes, her boyfriend heard sort of a coughing sound and opened the fridge, only to find her dead with her throat blown open. Believe me, the whole fridge thing sounds a lot weirder when trying to explain it to the 911 operator.

After that one, I woke up (one minute before my alarm rang) and got out of bed.

Lisa: Sin City

What. The crap. Is this?

Lisa: Adorkable

I need a new TV boyfriend, since Adam Brody has become a giant, bloated floating head. Who better to fill that position than Topher Grace, who just gets cuter as he gets older?

I think I see a resemblance...

Lisa: I think we were in desperate need of some D-Bo

1. D-Bo is apparently filming (or has already filmed) a movie with Nick Lachey called The Hard Easy. No, as far as I can tell it is not gay porn. The concept seems to be two groups of people who plan to rob the same jewelry store at the same time. D-Bo plays a stockbroker (!) who agrees to the robbery to recoup some losses, and Nick plays an accountant (!!) with a tough working-class background(?). Whatever. Anything not involving a satanic biker gang representing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a step up as far as I'm concerned. I hope they play up the fact that Nick looks like a cartoon version of D-Bo. Anyway, D-Bo looks pretty hot in the photos. See you at the video store.

2. Speaking of D-Bo...as I think I have mentioned before, I play with the Orchestra at Temple Square, the group that performs with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Every Sunday, the Choir broadcasts a little concert thingy with a feel-good message, called Music and the Spoken Word. Locally, this is a TV broadcast, but I think it's carried on radio stations in other places. Anyway, even if we don't have a special musical celebrity guest like Donny, there is often another famous person in the audience. If their people contact the orchestra's people and we know they're there, the conductor will often call the famous person up on stage after the broadcast, introduce him or her to the audience, let the person say a few words and then present them with a gift. In recent memory we have had Sir Anthony Hopkins and Marni Nixon (the lady who did the singing voices for Natalie Wood in West Side Story, Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady, and the grandmother in Mulan). Anyway, I was thinking that (since he is likely to be in Utah visiting his in-laws sometime soon) D-Bo should totally come! That is the best chance I have of meeting him that I have thought of so far.

3. I had a vague memory of some scandal surrounding the dubbing of Marni Nixon's voice in for Natalie Wood's on West Side Story. A little digging turned up this helpful info. (Scroll down to The Songs.)

4. I heard part of an interview with Bowling for Soup on a local radio station this morning on my way to work. The DJ was talking to them about how a band's money situation works. I guess I didn't really realize that the studio gets paid back for making the videos and the record before the band gets anything, and then they have to pay for all their expenses out of the 75% of the profits that they get after that. BfS said that their bus costs $1000 per day, the drivers cost $200 per day, and staff salaries, etc. are all on top of that. Most of the merchandising revenue goes to making free stickers to pass out, etc. They said that the rule of thumb is that a band doesn't make any money until a record goes platinum. Go buy a CD from your favorite band!

Lisa: Trillian

I downloaded Trillian the other day, and I have to say it is pretty cool. You can use one central program for instant messaging through AIM, ICQ, IRC, MSN (Hotmail) and Yahoo!. Also, you can sign in with more than one account at a time on each service. To make it even cooler, you can install Trillian on a network drive and then run it from any computer on the network, or on a USB key and run it from any computer you plug the key into--while maintaining all of your preferences, buddy lists, etc. Unfortunately, Trillian isn't Mac compatible--if you know of a good Mac alternative, post it in the comments. I know Sarah, for one, would be interested. (Has anyone used Adium?)

In other Trillian news, I saw the trailer for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie before watching National Treasure with my family the other day. My little brother and I were the only ones in the theater who clapped after the preview, and everyone in my family craned around to see who the big dorks were and give them a disapproving stare. Hey, what can I say? I think the movie has a lot of potential, and certainly has more credibility with me than a certain other book-turned-movie Jim Carrey-starring Harry Potter coattails-riding popular phenomenon. (If you know what I mean, and I think you do.)

Lisa: It's important to take a stand on this sort of thing.

Why is Tinkerbell in the Disney Princesses line-up? Why not fellow Peter Pan character Indian PRINCESS Tiger Lily? Is she not needed because the token Native American princess role is already filled by the more politically correct (but also historically inaccurate) Pocahontas?

Here's my take on the official princesses:

The Good:

Lisa: But which turtle would play Hamlet?

I hope this is referring to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Because that? Would be awesome.

Update: Alas, they are the tiny plastic ninjas of the grocery store vending machine variety.

Lisa: Stare into the TV screen and count to 10

I unexpectedly found some political commentary in my Gilmore Girls recap:

How are there undecided voters? Why is this such a close race? How? I don't understand. How can anybody be happy with the way things are going now, how we're viewed in the world and what is happening to the majority of Americans, from their take-home pay to the troops at war, to the price of health care. How can anybody think that we need another four years of this to see where it's all going to pan out? How can that be a solution? It's like staying with a husband who beats you, because he tells you how much he loves you and it's for your own good, because if you just listened to him and did what he said, he wouldn't have to beat you so hard (notice how he didn't say he'd stop beating you?). Oh, and that husband hates your gay friends. Thinks they're evil to the core. And he kind of hates your black friends, too. He does like your Hispanic friends; they do great work around his house. He wants them to go back to Mexico when they're done cleaning up, though. Don't want them getting comfortable with our way of life.

Thank you, Pamie. If we do end up with W again, I am hoping that the announcement of the election results coincides with the release of Gilmore Girls Season 2 on DVD, so that I can lock myself in my house with lots of ice cream, ignore all outside news and current media, possibly hum some girly tunes to ward off rage blackouts, and immerse myself in the show.

Lisa: Lost

Blake and I finally watched the series premiere of Lost, which our Tivo recorded for us before we moved. During the credits sequence, I pointed out to Blake that the show was made by J. J. Abrams, who was/is responsible for Felicity and Alias. Abrams et al seem to share a lot of actors between shows, so we weren't surprised to spot Kendall (cryptically smiling with an orange peel in his mouth). Blake lamented the fact that Agent Sean seemed to be missing from the cast, and we both took a moment to mourn this omission. The concept of the show (plane crash survivors trapped on an island) seemed to eliminate the possibility of any guest stars, too. Fortunately for us (but unfortunately for his character), Agent Sean DID show up for his triple-threat after all, in a cameo as the doomed airplane pilot. Anyway, the show was pretty dang good, the guy from Party of Five looked hot, and the Greg Grunberg cameo took it over the top. Lost, welcome to the Season Pass Manager.

Lisa: a tucked-in shirt and a good haircut makes the man

The sound of thousands of Gilmore Girls viewers around the world screaming in unison "GET A HAIRCUT, DEAN!" every time poor Mr. Padalecki came on screen was finally heard--and that boy is lookin' fine! Too bad the wardrobe people at Angel missed my repeated admonitions to "TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT, ANGEL!"--I know my downstairs neighbors didn't. Unfortunately, the formerly dapper D-Bo sported the untucked button-down shirt under the suit coat look (often paired with too-long pants and hands stuffed in his pants pockets) until the very last episode, and probably died looking like that. It's a shame, really, when he used to be so hot.

Thanks to Luke's Diner and Phoenix's D-Bo site for the photos.

Lisa: Suddenly Seeking...Shrug?

The other day I was feeling bummed out while grocery shopping at Smith's Marketplace, and some yarn ended up in my cart. I didn't have a project in mind for it or anything, but the idea of future craftiness did make me feel a bit better--and it was on sale! The yarn is a sort of variegated black and white natural fiber/acrylic blend. I thought it was Lion Brand, but I can't find the color on their excellent website. Or maybe it's a discontinued color, and I should hurry back to the store and buy some more just in case. If I had it here, I would just check the label and all of this confusion would be cleared up. Anyway, it sounds dumb, and I'm sure if it was regular cheapo 100% acrylic, it would be ugly, but actually it is nice-looking.

The point is that I am trying to decide what kind of project to do with said yarn. I am bored of scarves and gloves, and anyway I still have a mitten to finish crocheting in the blue-green Homespun. I haven't been knitting or crocheting long enough to feel confident about complicated patterns, or figuring out gauge, and I certainly am not going to spend money on super-fancy real yarns yet. I think I want to do a fitted shrug to wear with all the black clothes I own. That would be cute, right? I love this pattern, but it looks too hard for me, and I think the cool lacy back wouldn't be right for the more rustic-looking variegated yarn. I just want a simple pattern for a fitted shrug--I even promise to check the gauge this time so that it ends up the correct size! (Maybe something like this, but not so bulky?) So, let me know if you see something promising.

Also, I want to make this poncho, which would follow the huge (and somehow disturbing...yet appealing) poncho trend, but also kind of reminds me of the Jessica Simpson Newlyweds shawl. However, again I'm worried that the pattern is too difficult, and it looks like it requires a TON of yarn, which could get expensive.

Also, I have an update on the car situation. I went to the Toyota lot, and to be honest, the Scion xA is cuter and nicer than the Echo. I think I am going to order one configured just the way I want it. The Scion's no-haggle pricing means there's really no cost advantage to buying one from the lot that isn't exactly what I have in mind. It will take 6-8 weeks to get here, but I can wait. That just gives us 6-8 more weeks to save another $1000 or so, so that we don't have to take out any loans for the car at all. The only problem will be if I happen to get the library job, and have to start driving to work every day. Blake has assured me he doesn't mind taking the bus to work if that happens, but I have my doubts.

Update:
The yarn is actually Red Heart. I think it's this one, in Zebra. And I will not be making a shrug, as everyone I suggest the idea to quickly condemns shrugs as useless and ugly. So, I guess I'm back at square one...

To see the finished capelet/poncho thing I made using this yarn, click here.

Lisa: Goodnight, Sweet Prince

I finally got around to watching the series finale of Angel on my TiVo last night. Putting it off was allowing me to pretend that the show wasn't over, but that only works for so long. Anyway, the ending of the episode was excellent and sad--and I thought it was very appropriate for a show that was always much darker and more adult than Buffy (which ended with an apocalypse being averted and Buffy traipsing off to Rome). The last scene closes on Angel, Spike, Illyria, and a mortally wounded Gunn facing off hopelessly but heroically against thousands of demons. (Molly, it might be difficult for us to keep up that "Angel becomes human and marries Buffy" fantasy.) I guess the ending is still technically open--but I have to say the odds are pretty highly stacked against the Ministers of Grace (even by Kill Bill standards).

Blake (bless his big, tender heart) came up with an alternate ending:
After they start fighting the demon hordes and we fade to black (the episode's actual ending), we reopen outside a house in a sunny neighborhood in a world that is obviously a better place. Inside the house, a bunch of kids are clustered around a seated old man. "Grandpa Spike, Grandpa Spike! Tell us the story about the heroes!" And that's the end. See? Just as open-ended, just as heroic a battle, but with a tiny smidgen more hope. Okay, a big smidgen. Thank you, Blake.

And thank you, Mutant Enemy, for eight years of great dialogue, lovable characters, kick-ass fight scenes, and yummy Angel goodness. I will never forget that leather pants and smoking = evil.

Lisa: Shut up, Jess.

After last week's Gilmore Girls marathon, it's not suprising I have the show on my mind. Specifically, I remembered this article on the always-funny Fametracker. Here's my favorite bit:

In the second season of Gilmore Girls, the WB decided to throw a monkey wrench into the works of Rory's happy relationship with Dean by bringing a newer, badder boy to town. Since this boy would be a retread of every bad boy in TV history -- from Fonzie to Chachi to Poochie -- his looks and manner mattered a great deal less to the WB. Unlike the anxious call they'd placed to the Hollywood Geneticists in order to find their Dean, this time they called the lab to see whether there were any rejects lying around the stockroom that they could haul out and throw on a bus bound for the studio. The Geneticists -- having just sent a shipment of Steve Buscemi clones to UPN for Special Unit 2, regretfully reported that all they had left was a Ben Affleck experiment gone horribly awry. Its hair was too thick and gel-y, it was too swarthy, it sported a monobrow, and its Affleckian attitude was super-concentrated. Besides which, they'd siphoned off some of the raw material to make a pet chocolate lab for the...uh, lab, the Affleck clone was a great deal shorter than the original -- barely taller than Rory, in fact. "Eh, whatever," came the answer from the WB. "That'll do." The geneticists crafted the moniker "Milo Ventimiglia" out of the leftover letters from their alphabet soup, and wished him good riddance.

It's hard when you're a Dean-lover not to be a Jess-hater. At least, I assume so. I haven't really tried.

Lisa: CuteDean. Accept no substitutes!

Lisa: I JUST GOT MY GILMORE GIRLS DVDS!!!!!! I am so bringing them to California.
Sarah: WOOOHOOOO!!! Dude, do it.
Lisa: We can totally watch the whole season in a week.
Sarah: And if Blake and Dave are being boring in the car...
Sarah: Are you SOOO excited?
Lisa: I AM SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED!!!!! Best show EVER! At least, Season 1 was.
Sarah: Yeah, they talk so fast! And are so funny! And cute! And i've never seen Season 1, so i'm psyched.
Lisa: And they were so much funnier and cuter in Season 1.
Lisa: And there is CuteDean!!!
Sarah: hee
Lisa: WOOOHOOOOOOOOO
Sarah: Yeah, I never saw Dean when he was cute. Only when he was a punkass with a new girlfriend who was TOTALLY not as cool as Rory.
Lisa: Yeah. You will love him. Every girl should have a Dean as a first boyfriend. He makes guys want to be better men.
Sarah: hee hee
Lisa: How was your date?
Sarah: It was fun.
Lisa: Did you talk to David when you got home?
Sarah: No. Why?
Lisa: We were instant messaging around midnight. David thinks Armando wanted some booty. In fact, i think his exact words were "methinks he wants some booty."
Sarah: hee
Lisa: So...was he right?
Sarah: Hee. Um...damn straight!!!
Lisa: With the wanting of the booty?
Sarah: I dunno. He likes me, i think.
Lisa: Of course he does!
Sarah: So, why did Dave think that?
Lisa: Maybe because his name is Armaaaando. And he picked you up on the side of the road and got your number.
Sarah: Hee. Well, it wasn't QUITE like that...
Lisa: ROOOOOOxanne
Lisa: you don't have to put on the red light
Lisa: walk the streets for MOOONey
Lisa: you don't care if it's wrong
Lisa: or if it is right
Lisa: Hee. Just indulging in a little mid-morning Sting (Moulin Rouge remix)
Sarah: Hee. You have problems.
Lisa: yars
Sarah: So, maybe he likes me for my brilliant mind!
Lisa: Maybe he feels it's his duty to please that booty. (tm Shaft)
Sarah: Wha...? You lost me.
Lisa: Sarah: so, maybe he likes me for my brilliant mind!
Lisa: maybe he feels it's his duty to please that booty
Sarah: Why did you just copy the conversation that we had TWO SECONDS AGO??
Lisa: Because you said you were lost.
Sarah: Lisa: (tm Shaft)
Sarah: I do not know what that was supposed to mean.
Lisa: He's the black private dick who's the sex machine to all the chicks. Can you dig it?
Sarah: Hee. Well, i know who Shaft is...
Lisa: Shaft said "it's my duty to please that booty." I was just giving him proper credit.
Sarah: I see. Hee.
Lisa: Armaaaando doesn't read our site, does he? So i can post something about him?
Sarah: Dude, he's commented on our site before. So yeah, he does. But he keeps wanting to be written about, so go ahead.
Sarah: Also, are you going to continue to say his name "Armaaaando"?
Lisa: It is decidedly so.

Lisa: Happy Anniversaries all around

I meant to write an entry commemorating the one-year anniversary of our first entry yesterday, but I was too busy watching the Manor House tapes I checked out from the library. Oh, and playing in front of millions of people. (If you actually try to download the huge video file at that link, I'm playing in the musical number that's right after the opening prayer [my first appearance is at 10 minutes and 30 seconds]. Look for the flutist on the far left.) So, playing at the LDS General Conference was a little crazy. Not only does the auditorium (which was packed) seat 21,000 people, but the program is broadcast all over the world and translated into 66 languages (including Hmoob). That's approximately seven seconds of (nameless) international fame for me! Anyway, it's been one year of blogging. Yay! Thanks to the two people who have commented--that'll keep us going for a while.

Also, congrats on your anniversary today too, Mom and Dad! It's been 25 years since I brought you home from the hospital, and I think you may have even known each other for a while before that. Well, at least nine months.

Lisa: At least I'm in time for the DVD release...

Okay, I'm finally posting more pictures of my costume for the Lord of the Rings Trilogy Tuesday. To see the full photos, click on the thumbnails (duh).

Back. (with Blake!)

Front. (with Blake!)

Back. (Outside. Yes, it is cold. Hence the silly velvet cape)

For the first entry in the saga of the Eowyn costume, click here.

Lisa: Meet me in Montauk

Do yourself a favor and go see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I don't think I've seen a better movie--ever. If I had the money (and no real-life obligations) I would be watching it again right now.

Edited to add:
According to the front page of the official movie site, Peter Travers of Rolling Stone thinks E.S.o.t.S.M. is "A smart, sexy, and seriously funny comedy." Um, did he even see this movie? I guess it had funny parts, and it was definitely smart, but that quote makes the movie sound like an above-average RomCom. Which it IS NOT.

Lisa: Please don't take my Angel away!

Whether you read this blog or know me in real life, you are probably aware of my love for Angel, the Buffyverse, and yes, Mr. Boreanaz himself. A few people have gingerly mentioned to me Angel's probable cancellation after this season. Considering that Angel and Gilmore Girls are the only watchable dramas on the WB, I find the idea of canceling one of them absurd. I'm not the only one who feels that way, and I hope the fan and industry outcries are being heard and considered by The Powers That Be. (Is it wrong that I think a "Keep Angel Alive" blood drive is a brilliant idea?) I am staying abreast of any updates via Karen at this site, but I refuse to comment more about this until Angel's fate has been decided. (Except about the blood drive. Phlebotomists, call me!)

Come on, people! It's not like things in the Buffyverse can't come back from the dead...

Lisa: A very pressing question

What software/hardware setup do I need in order to copy movies and tv shows from DVDs onto my PowerBook, manipulate clips from them, and burn the result onto new DVDs? My laptop has a superdrive, so I have the DVD burning capability covered. iMovies or whatever program comes with OS X won't do it. How will I ever make my librarian video clip quiz game?

Lisa: You Decide

Matt at X-Entertainment: "The movie that's so bad, you'll start to wonder while watching if you're typing on the devil's computer in Hell itself! It's back: The Corey Haim Video Diary."

Fans at the Hollywood Memorabilia Convention: "We can't stop talking about Corey and his reactions to us. When we get back to the hotel room, Jennifer grabs Kris's video and begins to kiss it over and over again. Kris, for fear of Jennifer messing up the signature, let alone the wearing box itself, takes the video away from her. She only returns it to Jennifer's grasp after making her promise not to kiss it anymore."

Corey himself, on the video: "You are what you wear. I wear something different everyday."

Lisa: Reason #46573 why I love the Internet

Today is all about exchanging my crap for other people's crap. I bought this commemorative Hollywood Reporter issue (Featuring Angel! For one dollar!!), and I'm selling a Gandalf action figure, some home design software, and a Nintendo 64 game storage box. You can redeem yourself for not buying my parents' coffee table by bidding on these fabulous items. Up with capitalism!

Edited to add: I also put a bunch of Blake's old Super Nintendo games up for auction (with his permission). Check it.

Lisa: I can tell this is going to rock.

While I was working on the information desk today, I looked up a few things for myself, too:

Checked out:
Run Lola, Run

Put on hold:
All About Eve
The Garden of the Finzi-Continis
Living in Oblivion
Lord Peter: a collection of all the Lord Peter Wimsey stories
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: the album
The Pixies: Bossanova
The Best of Morissey
Party Girl

My list doesn't stand a chance--I think this is the best job ever.

Lisa: I think he has a point

How could I not love D-Bo, when he says wacky stuff like this:

Waterfalls...they're so mesmerising - they're very weird, man. They have this water voice talking to you, "Come and jump in!" And I'm like, "No, I don't want to jump in". But it's saying, "It's so clean and nice, you'll be fine!" But I'm like, "No I won't be fine! There's rocks underneath you!"

-- David Boreanaz, quoted here.

Lisa: Yes, I am a huge nerd. Why do you ask?

If you want a sneak preview of my Eowyn costume before I post my own pictures, you can check me out here on The One Ring. If I look a little disturbed to have a complete stranger taking my picture, well, that's because I am.

For the next entry in the saga of the Eowyn costume, click here.

Lisa: This means something

I had a very strange dream last night that combined all of the following elements except one. Ten points if you guess which freaky thing I didn't dream about.

Lisa: Something about that plastic jug looks familiar...

Today at lunch my coworkers and I sat about five feet away from the kid from Everwood (who is apparently named Gregory Smith). He was waiting for take-out, and--somewhat inexplicably--drinking from a gallon-size plastic milk jug. Now, Everwood is filmed in Utah somewhere, so I guess it's not that weird that we saw him. Even so, I must admit that we immediately started giggling and whispering about the show, and briefly considered asking him for his autograph. Let me clarify--this is three adult women, all married, two with children (and one of those two visibly pregnant), and only one who actually watches the show. I kept wondering "for heaven's sake, why didn't D-Bo go to any restaurants while he was here?", but looking back on today's sad events, I'm glad I missed him. If we acted star-struck in front of Gregory Smith, I can only imagine how I would have behaved in the shadow of David Boreanaz's looming brow.

Lisa: the glasses make the man?

A strangely hot photo of a bloody and bespectacled David Boreanaz (found here):

Click on the thumbnail for the whole picture. It was taken during the filming of The Crow: Wicked Prayer, a movie that I (somewhat inexplicably) hope makes it to the theaters. Just thought I'd share.

You know, maybe my brother was right about his glasses/hotness theory. I'll have to think about that.

Lisa: Editor at Large

Blake and I have often thought that cities should hire an "editor at large," to remove errant apostrophes and spelling mistakes from billboards and signs--in other words, to beautify the landscape and make commuting more pleasant. Of course, I would be this editor for our city.

One error in particular has been attacking my brain with an ice pick lately. Have you seen the McDonald's commercial starring Dominic from Kindergarten Cop? In the commercial, Dominic picks up his mother and several of her mom-type friends, who all pile in the back of the minivan and start yelling their McDonald's menu selections at the top of their lungs. This is not the worst part.

The camera then cuts to a shot of an artfully tossed Crispy Chicken Caesar Salad (tm) or similar, overlaid with a woman's voice saying "If your kids could, they'd take you!" Now, I guarantee that the advertising whizzes who came up with the concept for this commercial meant for that slogan to be read "If your kids could, they'd take you!" Do we all understand the difference here?

Now, if McDonalds had hired a grammar specialist to oversee the production of all advertising, signage, etc., this disaster could have been averted! Here's the moral of the story: if you are an executive at a powerful company that wants to portray an intelligent image, contact me immediately. I'd be glad to fax over a resume.

Lisa: good old Ben Franklin saves the day again

I'm afraid I do not take full advantage of my Franklin Day Planner. I don't think all those structured little pages were made for goals like "become a universally revered gatekeeper of knowledge," or "don't be a fat bitch." And I just feel silly writing "7:00 - 8:00 pm: Gilmore Girls" in the appointments column. Most importantly, I think that anything of enough personal importance to be worth subjecting to that much detailed analysis is too private to be written down for other people to find and laugh at. However, I did notice several months ago that behind a tab labeled "Discover," there were pages for recommended books, movies and websites.

On a separate (but not unrelated) note, I always arrive at the video store and then promptly forget the names of all the films I've been meaning to check out. I wander listlessly around the store, watching Michael Jackson videos on the overhead monitors and making faces while reading the back of the A Woman, Her Men, and Her Futon video box.

In a brilliant and unexpected move, I decided to start writing down recommended movies in the prefabricated "Recommended Movies" list in my planner. Here are the movies on the list that I still haven't seen:

[Eternally lengthy list deleted at Sarah's request.]

Hmm. Maybe I should have alphabetized those. Anyway, if you have any suggestions for more, or disagree with the suggestions above, feel free to let me know. I'll try to remember to cross movies off when I see them.

Lisa: This Week's Sign That the Apocalypse is Upon Us

Despite being amused by The Shizzolator, I vowed never to watch Doggy Fizzle Televizzle. However, last night I found myself watching it and laughing out loud. What's next--listening to Kid Rock?

"Hatorade! Because all that hatin' leaves you parched! Now in extra strength for catty bitches!"

Lisa: Hoping for a brush with...mediocrity?

Some of the more alert readers of this site may be aware that David Boreanaz is currently filming a movie in Utah. No? Just me then? Alrighty. Well, anyway, the movie is The Crow: Wicked Prayer, which I believe is the fourth in the Crow series. From what I can figure out, this movie is going to be completely and utterly terrible.

Evidence:

Lisa: Angel Wanna Cracker?

Well, I had another dream about Angel last night. For someone I don't even think is very attractive, he sure shows up in my subconscious a lot. I refuse to acknowledge that I am dreaming about David Boreanaz. It is the CHARACTER! Anyway, this time I was sitting on his lap feeding him crackers. (Crackers?)

Previous dreams I have had about Angel:

Lisa: If wanting a TiVo is wrong, I don't want to be right

There are three rather expensive items that I desperately want to buy. Here they are in no particular order:

PowerBook G4 12-inch, with SuperDrive: $2000
TiVo (with lifetime subscription, of course): $650
Vespa ET4: $6000

Is it wrong to want these things so badly? Is it wrong to spend financial aid money to buy them?

Donations (HA!) are accepted through PayPal (lisa@twolooseteeth.com).

Edited to add that I also want this button maker. I don't know why.

Lisa: THROTC, Final Report

I know people everywhere are hanging on the edge of their collective seats to find out how my hotel room saga ended. I talked to the manager of the hotel today, and I am happy to report that I was professional and firm but not nasty. The manager is simply SHOCKED that such a thing could happen! She can't understand why I didn't personally seek her out between the hours of 7 am and 4 pm and tell her what was going on! She had no idea! She has NEVER had a problem like this before! Anyway, she will supposedly be arranging a refund to my work from the corporate headquarters of the hotel chain. She tried to convince me that gift certificates would be just as good, but I didn't bite. Anyway, all's well that ends well. At least I got to watch Driven: Jennifer Lopez on VH1.

Update (7/31/03): I have never received any kind of refund. I HATE THEM.

For the first entry in this series, click here.

Sarah: plus, Bobby is TOTALLY hot

Watching X-Men 2: X-Men United made me ponder the conversations that are inspired among elementary students:

Man, Wolverine is the BEST! I wish I could have those claw thingeys!
Yeah, and when the cops are like "Put down the knives", and he's like "I can't". That's COOL!
Dude, if I was an X-Man, I'd totally want to be Bobby. He can like... make the drink cool with his breath, and make walls of ice and stuff.
But if you were Rogue, you could have everyone's powers if you just touched them!
You know who's powers are cool, though? Cyclops can blast things with his eyes!
He's always wearing those stupid glasses, though.
Whatever. Mystique can look like anyone. That kicks butt.

So, in other X-Men related news, I know that she was a bad guy, and is now dead, but the chick with the blades that came out of her fingers was WAY cooler looking than Wolverine. Just a personal opinion.

Lisa: Librarian Video Collage

I want to make a video of clips from various movies and TV shows involving librarians. I'm not sure what the purpose of this video would be, but I suspect that the possibilities are endless (ha). A game played at a librarian-themed event, where you guess what movies the clips are from! Part of a presentation on the stereotypical portrayal of librarians in the media! And so forth! [Legal Disclaimer: this video would be for personal use only, not sold or distributed in any way.]

Anyway, here is a list of possible candidates for inclusion. If you think of a show I have forgotten, please let me know!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Giles)
Angel (Wolfram & Hart corporate librarian)
UHF (Conan the Librarian)
Party Girl
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
It's a Wonderful Life
Foul Play (Goldie Hawn)
The Music Man

The following shows have been suggested by others. If you want to say yay or nay, or would care to enlighten me as to what these have to do with librarians, please comment!

Wishbone?
Bliss
It
The Gun in Betty Lou's Handbag
The Shawshank Redemption
Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade
Joe vs. the Volcano (I think Joe was some kind of corporate librarian at the beginning of the movie)
Philadelphia
Caveman's Valentine?
Where the Heart Is
Breakfast at Tiffany's (they may or may not have meant The Breakfast Club)

Also, I'm not sure how to go about making this fabulous clip montage once I have assembled a satisfactory list. What technology do I need? And do I have to rent all of these movies at once? I might need to find some sponsors if I have to do that. And....GO!

Lisa: And Hilarity Ensued

So, I walked across the hall into my old office and into this conversation: "and then he started smashing it with a rock, and he was all 'die, snake! Die! DIE!!'"

How could I talk about copy center account numbers after that?