Sarah: Here to Help

Mallory asked for help on her blog entry.

M: QUICK. Give me a lyric that has to do with either penises or being smelly.
S: HA HA HA. "Feel a little poke comin through, on you..."
M: Umm less boner-y.
S: You want penis song lyrics that are "less boner-y." I just need to point that out.

Sarah: Apartment Hunting

I've been looking at apartments since the day after I returned from Europe (oops, I still haven't blogged much about that, have I?). I haven't found the perfect place yet, but I have found a few Craigslist ads that are just, well, they're linked below.

The longest dog-narrated ad of all time

Disgusting? Tempting!

The lovely Marci accompanied me to see an apartment. After overcoming the fear that the vision of the building instilled in my heart, we entered to find that the apartment came with house plants. What a charming feature. Why would they not include this feature in their posted description? Confusing.

I need help. Any ideas?

Sarah: The Kiss Heard About Round the World

While in Prague, I pimped out my friend Marci to a Texan named Mike. I highly recommend asking strangers to kiss your friend while on St. Charles Bridge.

It was clearly a magical evening.

Sarah: Here and There

You should never buy ugly motivational posters again. Why have stock photography of eagles soaring when you can have something cool like these? Via Zina, the coolest girl I know from Spring City.

Oh, and I can type things.
72 words

Speed test

I want to try Loobylu's No Spend Month. I think about it fairly often and think it'd be a nice way to declutter my space and mind, relax about finances, and appreciate the possessions I already have. Plus, I'd finally get back on the cooking bandwagon.

This will make you laugh. Horrifyingly retro photos from an old JC Penney catalog.

Sarah: Lookbook

As you know, our brother got engaged. This weekend is the wedding and I'm having some outfit insecurity.
I need advice on accessories, and if the shoes will work for either (and hopefully both) outfits. Internet, please dress me.

Day:

Night:

I'm wearing this dress with a white cardigan over it, but I can't find that image.

Shoes:

Are they too brown? Or are they alright?

Sarah: Shod

Are these any better?

[Edited to add: I thought they coordinated very well with Nora's and my shoes. -- Lisa]

Lisa: congratulations!

We love you, Angie and Dave!

Back to our regularly scheduled programming soon...

Sarah: Monday Afternoon Haiku

Facebook, where are you?
I need to un-tag photos
And play Scrabulous.

Lunch: Went to the mall,
Returned lots of merchandise.
Visa: Zero owed.

Thank you for calling.
He's on a call, may I take
a message? No? K.

Sarah: Friends Say the Darndest Things

Mark:
Favorite quote from a coworker today: I'm not really too familiar with the service side, let me go ask someone who is a little more inept. Hold on...

Mallory:
I dreamed that I was making out with a starship captain last night. We were on an escape pod from the Battlestar Galactica. I had to save the President. We saved her. Then he showed me space and it was awesome. Then we made out. For a long time.
Then.
I realized Marci was sitting in the back seat of our space-car the entire time.
Em. Barrassing.

E (stolen from her blog, but she told it to me as well, so I'm hoping she doesn't mind that I spread the awesomeness):
I teach the six-, seven-, and eight-year-old children at my church.
Lesson: Gratitude
E: Adam, you love soccer. A lot. It's pretty cool that your body can play so well. How can you show Heavenly Father that you're thankful for your body?
A: Well... I could get a plate of cookies and put it on the counter. Then I could leave a note: "Dear Santa, Please give these to God."
E (laughs): That's one way, I guess.
A: Except I don't know if God likes milk. So, if God doesn't like milk, I'll leave a glass of 7-Up.

For what it's worth? I'm betting that God likes milk.

Lisa: no cruising yet

Bicycle Shop Gentleman: Hi, need a repair?
Lisa: Well, kind of, see--
BSG: Your front wheel's on backwards.
L: ...Yes.

Sarah: I can see clearly now, or not.

I have an eye infection.

I have never been more beautiful than at this moment.

Sarah: Occular Update

Mom, this is for you.

A little better, I think, despite the infection spreading to the other eye. Thanks for the magical eye drops.

Sarah: A Year in Review

In the past year, I have:
1. Gotten within a semester of college graduation.
2. Stood outside the hospital room while my niece was born, then held her on the first day of her life and countless days since.
3. Learned how to use an old hand-printing press.
4. Gained a new sister. An amazing new sister.
5. Traveled through Europe.
6. Bought a new (to me) car.
7. Learned to drive a manual transmission, just about burning through my clutch in the process.
8. Given up the apartment where I lived for almost two years.
9. Lived with my awesome family (Don't worry, guys, I promise that I'm looking for a new place).
10. Become much closer (whether she liked it or not) to a great friend.
11. Baked and cooked. A lot.
12. Cracked jokes with an albino.

It was a great year. One of my favorites yet. Thanks for being there with me.

Sarah: Ripples

"I believe the simple act of making something, anything, with your hands is a quiet political ripple in a world dominated by mass production... and people choosing to make something themselves will turn those small ripples into giant waves."
--Faythe Levine

Lisa: This is why we are married.

I admit it: I got sucked into the Twilight books AGAIN. I thought I was too good for that, but the new one is coming out in a few weeks and I couldn't fight it. (For the record, I have actually liked them better the second time around. Don't you judge me.) Anyway, Blake saw me reading one the other day, and started asking questions about this particular vamp universe. You might recall that we've watched a few Buffy episodes and other vampire movies in the past...suffice it to say that each oeuvre comes with its own mythology. Well, I guess I could have just said, "I don't know" or, "who cares," but I'm a librarian. When faced with a reference question, I must find the answer.

Via email:

Blake,

I thought you might be interested in Stephenie Meyer's (the author's) answer to your question from yesterday.

Q: Is it possible that a human could kill a vampire?
A: Er, not really. A big enough bomb would probably be hot enough to burn a vampire, but the vampire would have to agree to hold still and let it hit him.

Lisa

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Lisa,

Though I appreciate her answer in terms of mythology she just might as well have said it takes magic fairy dust to kill them. "No humans can kill vampires because they have a mystical force shield around them, or rather a miasma that defies the laws of physics."(haha) If it is a big enough bomb they wouldn't have to hold still they couldn't get away. It is not heat that does damage from bombs but rather kinetic energy so if we can determine how much kinetic energy it would take to pierce their skin then we can see whether or not a shot gun can produce enough kinetic energy. She does not understand thermodynamics and kinetic energy but I am preparing the equations just in case she ever asks me. Sorry I am a big nerd but am thankful for your e-mail.

Blake

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Blake,

Well, I don't know about the laws of physics, but it's not a forcefield. It's because they're super hard, super strong, and super fast. Here's more:

Q: Why do they sparkle?
A: They sparkle because they have turned to substance that is somewhat like diamond. Their bodies have hardened, frozen into a kind of living stone. Each little cell in their skin has become a separate facet that reflects the light. These facets have a prism-like quality-they throw rainbows as they glitter.

Q: How about stakes through the heart? Reflections? Photographs? Holy water? Garlic? All that traditional vampire lore.
A: Bunch of garbage. I think all of them get addressed in New Moon except garlic and stakes. But you try shoving wood through granite.

Q: Do the vampires have blood in their veins even though their heart no longer pumps? What would happen if they were cut or injured in some way?
A: Most human fluids are absent in my vampires. No sweat, no tears, no blood besides that which they ingest-they don't have their own blood. They do sort of have saliva-the venom makes their mouths wet, at least. When they drink blood, it runs through their body and makes them strong. It floods through their old blood ways, though they don't have circulation anymore. It lightens their eyes and flushes their skin slightly. If a vampire were cut, there would only be blood if he/she had freshly drunk blood (and drunk a lot). Otherwise, there would only be a bit of venom. It would be like cutting into granite.

Lisa

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Lisa,

I am already figuring out the necessary kinetic energy it would take for a thrust object or projectile to penetrate granite. The initial calculations do not bode well for most normal weaponry but several high powered rifles whose bullets reach teminal velocity in their descent can pass through almost 4 inches of granite. It still may not kill one but it certainly could ruin his or her day. Also interestingly enough a projectile like an arrow if propelled near the speed of sound can pass through 6 inches of granite assuming the arrow is made of a similar material. I guess I should invest in a shotgun for zombies and a guass rifle for vampires. But this is just my initial investigation. I am also looking at chemicals that will eat through diamonds. What about a diamond chainsaw blade hmmmmm, interesting. Can I get a chainsaw for Christmas?

Blake

--------------

Blake,

I love you so much. But also, don't forget the super speed.

Lisa

--------------

Lisa,

So true. I will have to develop a suit like Batman in a comic book set in the future where he had to square off against Superman. These vampires seem a little like Superman so that is what I should try to defend against, or say screw the whole thing and just hope they want to turn me instead of just eat me.

Blake

Lisa: Feisty

Last Thursday, Sarah and I saw Feist at Deer Valley. She was AWESOME. I already thought her voice was unusual and cool, but it's even more unbelievable live. Plus, she kept teasing the Deer Valley crowd about their lawn chairs and their roasted red pepper caviar hummus with quail's eggs, which was good times. She also had a pair of amazing shadow artists performing behind her, projecting images onto the back wall of the stage--it was worth the hour's wait for dusk after the opening band.

As the icing on the cake, we ran into Andrea and her friend and made them come sit with us, and Dave and Angie even stopped by on their way to the fancy seats.

The only thing that could have made the night better is if Blake and Nora could have been there. Oh, well. I'll leave you with a message from Sarah:

Peace, bitches!

[Edited to add: I just noticed that the girl over Sarah's shoulder in that first picture is reading Twilight. Awesome.]

Sarah: Birthday Week

One week before my birthday, I got the best present ever from my brother Dave: a brand-new sister. The week couldn't get much better from there, but it certainly tried.

There was a basketball game.

What my team lacked in technical skill they made up for in style. Though the ref didn't seem to buy my argument.

I relaxed with the family, enjoying the shady outdoor dining and jazz music. Dinner was delicious, and Dave and Angie taught me that nothing goes with gnocchi quite like a re-gifted hand chair. Curses!

Hanging out with friends at The Tavernacle was fun.

Well, for me at least. I drank Shirley Temples until I was sure I'd be sick. And I forced them to look excited, at least for a photo.

They are true friends. Britni is such a good friend that she gave me her marschino cherries as a birthday gift. Mmm.

After singing until my throat was hoarse, I dragged my friends to Village Inn for a little late-night breakfast. There we saw a man so brazen in his blindfold use that he could only be... Justice.

These incredibly indulgent friends then threw me a robot-themed birthday party at Crown Burger.

I loved it. These girls? Are the best friends ever.

More pictures after the jump. Thanks, Marci!

Lisa: wait for it...

I have so much to tell you, Internet! I've been...

and so much more, really. Unfortunately, I should be spending my at-home computer time getting caught up on the accounting work I've been putting off. The only new content I have to offer is this ridiculous picture, made here. (Thanks for getting me through that last few minutes of the workday, angry chicken! How did you know I was looking for a way to more widely distribute photos of myself?)

See you next week!

Sarah: Wishing I could justify inflicting pain upon my credit card.

Lately I've forbid myself from shopping for myself. Although I'm sad there are now Victoria's Secret models in the catalog that I don't even recognize, I suppose my money is better spent on things like rent and food.

If, however, my budget did not have such painfully strict restraints, I would be doing more than just admiring Jonathan Adler's collection for Barnes and Noble. And maybe going crazy with a seven sins pillow.

Is this something I could replicate myself with my meager embroidery skills?