Lisa: Internet, work your magic.

It seems like all the books I can find on decorating a baby's room or making baby-related crafts are super cheesy and overdone, syrupy-sweet, or just plain hideous. Itty-Bitty Hats is an exception, and I can't wait to get started on the pumpkin hat.

Can anyone recommend other titles for me that won't bring back the morning sickness?

Sarah: Shut up, Alex.

Our obsession with Grey's Anatomy here at Two Loose Teeth is fairly well-documented. What I haven't written about, however, is my main frustration with this tv show. During the first two seasons of this weekly hour of sometimes tearful bliss, the writers kept telling us how hot Alex was. He was fine, I suppose, but patient after patient would blush or fawn or flirt with Alex because he was supposedly so good-looking. Yet the audience seemed less than enthused. Okay, I guess some people thought he was hot. Those people aside, I found myself yelling at the tv screen almost every week from the couch "He's not. THAT. HOT." Still, the actor looked oddly familiar to me, so I did a bit of research. Had I seen him in The Musketeer? No, I'm more of a Chris O'Donnell girl myself (spooky Grey's Anatomy connection!), so I never saw that film. How many D'Artagnans does one woman need, after all? Apparently Justin Chambers was a model. No, that wasn't where I knew him from either. I suppose I remember him from The Wedding Planner (dude, JLo does not make a plausible Italian. Why did they make that a somewhat major plot point?), but I knew him from something more obscure. Something missing from his IMDB entry.
And then I remembered. He's the star of the Dave Matthews Band music video for "Ants Marching." So, um. There you go. Mystery solved.

Obviously I have digressed, but my point in all this is: why did the creators spend so much time forcing us to accept that Alex was hot, when we could have spent that time with lingering camera shots of pretty, pretty Izzie? Or Denny? Because Denny can make a girl cry with a single glance.

Sarah: Happy Birthday Baby-oh. I love you so.

Today marks the four-year anniversary of putting Two Loose Teeth up on this little thing called the internet. Thanks for having us.

Sarah: Insanity or Forethought? It's thin line.

Last night I decided that April is not too early to start making Christmas gifts.

What? What? Stop looking at me like that.

Lisa: Bunnies, bunnies, it must be bunnies!

As Andrea mentioned, we read The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane for book club last month. Because it was a kids' book, and because I'm a little craft-obsessed, I had everyone make a bunny out of felt. I was hoping to make these little guys, but I couldn't find the book in time. Instead, I printed some of blue by you's photos for inspiration.

I love how all the bunnies came out so different and so fun.

Meet my rabbit, Randall:

Sarah: He is known as Sweet D.

Every once in a while, I like to recall the important life lessons that the internet has taught me. One site that I return to again and again provides an informative and life-altering list:

Reasons to love the Backstreet Boys

Sarah: "They'll need a crane just to lift her."

I was delighted to discover that The Fug Girls love Center Stage as much as I do.

Lisa: perilous pastilles

I think Tootsie Rolls were originally developed as a weapon, or at least a joke candy. See, if you start to eat a Tootsie Roll that's too big (as most of them are), they glue your teeth together until you start to choke on the copious amounts of chocolate-flavored spit that have suddenly been produced out of nowhere. This should be a deterrent, right? The funny thing is, Tootsie Rolls are so delicious that when you finally stop coughing, your hand automatically reaches into the bag for another piece. My theory is that when the would-be pranksters wouldn't stop eating the tasty morsels themselves, the makers shrugged, all, "Huh...well...the customer knows best!" and started marketing them without the irony.

And don't get me started on the delectable danger that is Dots.

Lisa: research

The labor stories of other women are alternately hilarious, reassuring, and terrifying. Here are a few I've read lately:

Mighty Girl
Superhero
Dooce
Fussy

Here's what I know:
1) Women have been doing this for thousands of years. My body is made to do this.
2) I will be giving birth in a hospital, not at home with a midwife whose idea of an amenity is shaping the umbilical cord into a heart.
3) The epidural is my friend.
4) Blake and Sarah and my mom and dad got me through the end of the marathon. They can get me through this.

Lisa: help

I have a couple of things I need to get done in the next few weeks.

Sarah: Marci's new job is to entertain me.

Sarah: I love my white board, but I'm fairly sure I'm getting high off marker fumes. WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOO!
Marci: Ooh can I join in the fun?
S: I recommend the black marker. It seems to have the strongest fumes, but not the most pleasant smell. The smell of the red and blue are better. And yes, I have five markers that I use. What of it?
M: Are they fruit scented?
S: THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. Mmmmmmmmmm that makes me think of elementary school.
M: I loved those markers.
S: ME TOO! Except I often colored the bottom of my nose on accident. I got a little overexcited.
M: Who hasn't. Though I think they encourage huffing.
S: That's probably true. Do they still make them?
M: I don't know. If they do, I need some.
S: We should investigate. And we could color in coloring books. It'd be awesome.
M: OH MY GOSH. I love that.
S: Ok, you + me = coloring. This weekend. Or possibly Thursday night, if we get bored at the baseball game.
M: We will have little activity kits.
S:In a big canvas bag, hopefully.
M: and some cheerios.

S: MEAT CAKE! You're welcome in advance.
M: OH MY GOSH
S: Hee. AWESOME, HUH???
M: I think I just threw up a little.
S: No. It. Is. Awesome.
M: That is so much meat.
S: Hee. That's what she said.

S: The urge to drink a can of Coke is very strong. Tell me it is wrong. SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!
M: The Coke is all gone.
S: WHAT??
M: All gone.
S: DON'T MAKE ME START CUTTING.
M: I'm kidding.
S: Too late. My blood has leaked out.
M: Oh no, what about the carpet?
S: I'm slipping away into the sticky red pool of life at my feet.
M: ... With the nerds?

Yes. I dumped a small box full of nerds all over my office floor. There's nothing wrong with that.

Lisa: word to the wise

When I am in the middle of helping someone else,

1) Do not slam your hand down on the counter and shout, "WWWWWWWWWAKE UP!!!!"

2) Do not follow that up with an enthusiastic statement about how people don't have to be quiet in the library anymore.

3) When I turn my attention to you, do not ask me an asinine question about whether we have a certain tax form that you already know we don't have ON THE DAY TAXES ARE DUE.

4) Do not finish our interaction with an exhortation to "SMILE!!!"

See, I normally give exemplary customer service. I pride myself on it. But when you hit me with all of the above, I have no alternative but to give you the bitch stare of death through the fog of rage that has suddenly enveloped me. Two other customers rushed over and immediately started empathizing with me, which means that either you JUST WENT TOO FAR, or that they took pity on the pregnant lady who looked like she was going to burst a blood vessel.

Either way, please, don't do those things.

Lisa: stone cold sober

This is why we are all glad that I don't drink. And before you ask, yes, my jeans are screenprinted with a silver design featuring glued-on rhinestones.

Thank you, Mallory, for bringing this moment of glory to my attention.

Lisa: buy me some peanuts and crackerjack

Spring means baseball.

And baseball means Marci and Mallory eating the world's biggest hot dogs...

...with radioactive relish.

And finding out Sarah's true feelings for me.

Goodnight, boys. Let's play again sometime.

Lisa: one track mind

While I was setting up the auditorium for our "War of the Worlds" No Girls Allowed program, a four-year-old boy wandered in and gasped with delight at the alien party streamers I was draping around the edge of a table. He picked up a stuffed puppet.

Boy: "Look! Two zombies on there!"
Lisa: "I think those are supposed to be astronauts."
B: "Astronauts! And they're in a planet!"
L: "Um, I think that's a space ship."

He picked up another stuffed toy.

B: "This one is a zombie!"
L: "That one's an alien."
B: "..."
L: "Do you know what an alien is?"
B: "Aliens aren't even real! They live in space! They couldn't be on Earth because that would be CRAZY!"
L: "Yeah."
B: "So why are you decorating with all these zombies?"
L: "And astronauts and aliens?"
B: "Yeah!!"
L: "Well, because we're having a program today about aliens and outer space."
B: "AND ZOMBIES????!!!!"

Sarah: They just felt like running.

Last weekend was the Salt Lake City Marathon. Congratulations to all participants. Running a marathon is such an incredible, unforgettable experience. Good work!

Sarah: A short note

Dear Mekhi Phifer,

Starring as the romantic interest in Honey, O, and Carmen: A Hip Hopera forms some sort of shame-trifecta that is not entirely overcome by having a break-through role in Spike Lee's Clockers.

Just Sayin'

Sarah

Lisa: It's a girl!

And I think she likes karaoke.

Sarah: A Clumsy Thank You

The past few weeks I've been overwhelmed by the lives of the people around me. I'm not sure how to articulate this. Suffice it to say, there are some things that a Hallmark card can't sum up in an amusing drawing or saccharine poem.
Everyone in my life has taught me so much. They lead by example, or have moments when I learn what not to do. Some of you think I'm a much better person than I am. Some people have a knack for pointing out my flaws. Maybe life is all about finding how our flaws fit with those of others. Maybe that's how we find our friends. Do we have coordinating luggage? Can you tell me that I need to be less mean, less obnoxious, and less stubborn, but then love me anyway? I hope so. Because I sure like all of you.
I'm falling into a ramble-spiral, but I just wanted to put this out there: I want to be there to support you. Thank you for being there for me.

Sarah: A Health Drink for Me

Despite my insistence that I can quit any time I want (after all, I've quit several times already), some individuals still believe that I am addicted to Diet Coke. To that I say: the line between addiction and true love is very, very thin.
Because of my sincere devotion to Diet Coke, I was thrilled to discover (and by discover, I mean that Marci and Mallory went to Target and then told me about it) that Coca-Cola had released a new drink: Diet Coke Plus. I loved the colorful label, which I found a little silly and charming. I loved the idea that, though still soda and so not healthy, this version had vitamins and minerals. Since I'm going to drink Diet Coke whether or not it has redeeming qualities, I might as well choose the lesser of two evils, right?
So I bought a bottle of Diet Coke Plus to test.
I could tell that Diet Coke Plus is supposed to taste the same as Diet Coke. I could also tell that it didn't. It isn't gross per se, but it is definitly different than regular Diet Coke. Perhaps to a less-seasoned consumer it would be equally delicious. To me, however, it had a sweeter taste that clung to my mouth more than usual. And it was thicker. No, not thicker. More... viscous. And that? Is not good.
Verdict: The idea gets two emphatic thumbs up. The execution needs some tweaking.