Sarah: No Good

This entry was defaced and is gone forever. It was about the 2-year old who was abandoned and ate pasta and ketchup.

Lisa: A Friend of a Friend

So, I have this friend, TOTALLY not me, who has a hypothetical scenario that she would like a little feedback on. The friend's husband really likes the Lord of the Rings movies. Hey, who doesn't? Anyway, mostly for the benefit of the husband, this friend of mine may hypothetically have purchased some exorbitantly priced tickets to see the midnight showing of the new movie AND the extended versions of the first two movies, in a wacky trilogy extravaganza. There might happen to be gift bags, prizes, and a costume contest. So here's the question. My friend, who has long been a proponent of costumes and "dressing up" in general, is considering making a Lord of the Rings costume and wearing it to this event. Would that make her the biggest nerd ever, to be mocked by friends and family at every opportunity? And if that is the case, should she care?

For the next entry in the saga of the Eowyn costume, click here.

Sarah: Did I miss something?

Today while teaching viola lessons, I had a student make a special request:

Student: This December, can I play a Christmas song, for, like, Christmas?
Me: Sure, did you have something specific in mind?
Student: No. I dunno. Just something that would be awesome to my possum.

The preceding conversation was all said with complete sincerity. Am I completely out of the loop? Is the phrase involving awesome and possum cool? I assume that the "possum" in question is the kind of "posse" that happens to rhyme with "awesome." Insights, anyone?

Sarah: One of these things is not like the others.

Okay, I haven't talked to any "women of color," so I'm not sure if they have a problem with this. A certain hair product company has recently developed shampoo and conditioner for women of African descent. I have no problem with this. In fact, it's probably great. Their hair is definitely different than caucasian or asian hair. The part of their product that annoys me is that this new shampoo comes in brown bottles. Are they trying to tell their target audience to match the bottle with their SKIN?! Am I the only one that thinks this is weird?? Is it no coincidence that for a long time now, all of their bottles have been cream colored? You are what you shampoo with, I guess.

Sarah: Feeling Fine

I have decided that I am going to die a sudden and tragic death. Within the last 48 hours, the majority of my family has been overly concerned with my well-being.

Friday night when I called my parents to ask my dad a question, my mom asked with great urgency if I was alright. I was.

Tonight I called my dad again with another question (I usually don't call this often. I swear.), I interrupted a dinner party and, trying to be considerate, I told him to call me back at a more convenient time. Despite his guests, Dad wouldn't let me hang up until I had assured him that everything was fine. It still was.

A few hours later, my older brother called me just to chat and see if I was doing all right. Not that my family and friends must have a reason to call me, but I figured he'd have a purpose for the call. Nope. Just wanted to make sure I was well. Not dead yet!

Now it's a couple hours later on Sunday night, and my lovely sister, Lisa, wanted to talk to me on instant messenger, because she was "vaguely worried" about me. Also, I apparently seem "offish."

In conclusion, I think that my family has all been prompted by a supreme being to talk to me this one last time before my untimely demise. Wish me luck. I don't FEEL like I'm dying.

Guest Blogger: David Anderson

Entries From the "I Saw U" Section of the Daily Classified Ads

I Saw U - Me: rakishly handsome, with sunglasses and a copy of Neuromancer. You: effortlessly beautiful as you checked out books. When you took my card, our hands touched. If you felt something too, call me at #5815.

I Saw U - Remember me? We were stopped at a stop light, and you looked over at me, and we smiled, I think. Remember? Well, I think we should go out. #8153

I Saw U - You sat next to me in the computer lab. I read your e-mail over your shoulder, and wished that I was on the receiving end. Call me, #2012

I Saw U - You looked so striking as you slept, the wisps of hair falling across your face onto your pillow, limbs outstretched, as if you were reaching for someone. I could be that someone. I'll be waiting for your call, #4332

I Saw U - Yes, Angela, I saw you again, this time as you were painting in your basement. You, thinking you were alone, hummed along with Ace of Base. Your brush traced the penciled forms into greens and browns. I understand your work, Angela. We were meant for each other. #4332

I Saw U - Angela Grusin of 3553 Acorn Way, there's no use trying to deny it. We are soul mates. While you were gone, I went through your movie collection, and I could see that we have the same tastes, Maid in Manhattan, Say Anything, Sleepless in Seattle. These kinds of things aren't coincidence. You know how to reach me, #4332

I Saw U - Angela, allow me recite some poetry for you, that I may woo you with the beauty of my words:
If I could only be a tear
that I might be born in your eye
run down your cheek
and die in your lips
#4332

Lisa: Something about that plastic jug looks familiar...

Today at lunch my coworkers and I sat about five feet away from the kid from Everwood (who is apparently named Gregory Smith). He was waiting for take-out, and--somewhat inexplicably--drinking from a gallon-size plastic milk jug. Now, Everwood is filmed in Utah somewhere, so I guess it's not that weird that we saw him. Even so, I must admit that we immediately started giggling and whispering about the show, and briefly considered asking him for his autograph. Let me clarify--this is three adult women, all married, two with children (and one of those two visibly pregnant), and only one who actually watches the show. I kept wondering "for heaven's sake, why didn't D-Bo go to any restaurants while he was here?", but looking back on today's sad events, I'm glad I missed him. If we acted star-struck in front of Gregory Smith, I can only imagine how I would have behaved in the shadow of David Boreanaz's looming brow.

Sarah: Wasting Oxygen

One of my roommates didn't really grasp the weblog concept. In an attempt to expose her to this phenomenom, I showed her a few weblogs along with our site. After giving her a tour of Two Loose Teeth, she said "Isn't that a lot of work to just let people know that you are there?"

That experience defines my existence.

Sarah: If Lost, Return To Sarah

First of all, a disclaimer. This is a blog you would expect from Lisa, the Library Science masters student. I'm sorry, alright? We share the same brain. I've just come to accept that.

While perusing the works in the 20 Things project, I came across one that featured a "check-out card" from a children's book. Do you remember, when you were in elementary school, you'd write your name on the card that was in a little sleeve on the inside of the cover of the book? I miss that. I also liked those little stickers that you'd affix to your books that said "This book belongs to _______." I had one with a picture of Garfield on it.

Sarah: Life is hard when you're The Artist

While sending a curse through www.pinstruck.com to Lisa, who anonymously cursed me last week, I filled out the required information. The directions for the name of your victim said "first name of victim: (9 char max, no spaces, only alphabetic characters)." I was a little sad, wondering what someone would do if trying to send a curse to Prince. He doesn't (or rather, didn't use to) use alphabetic characters. The poor Artist is completely left out from the whole online voodoo scene.

Guest Blogger: David Anderson

An Open Letter to Brian McKnight, Singer-Songwriter of "Back at One"

Dear Mr. McKnight,

Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to read this letter. I am sure that with all of your autograph-signing and frolicking in your solid-gold swimming pool, that you have precious few moments to read letters from people such as myself, so I will therefore be brief.

I am writing in regards to your hit song, "Back at One," for which you made millions and millions of dollars. Now, I would never quibble with your lyric intent--as a contented fan says on the Amazon.com website, "Brian Mchknight's Back At One, in my opinion, is one the top five albums of the nineties [sic.]." But I was hoping that you would clarify the meaning of the chorus for me, as I have yet to completely decipher it. It appears that the chorus, at least, follows the standard format of a counting song, in that each line begins with the counted number (one, two, three, four) followed by the step that the narrator intends to follow next.

The first line, "One, you're like a dream come true," I understand to be a simile in which your narrator asserts a kind of metaphysical rightness in regards to his object of affection. And the second line, "Two, just want to be with you" continues this list of feelings that she inspires in the narrator. By the third line, "Three, Girl it's plain to see, that you're the only one for me," you have clearly established this pattern--the listener now has the expectation that each number will correspond to a reason, if you will, that the narrator's girl is the only one for him. Now, line four is where I get hung up. In it, you sing. "Four, repeat steps one through three /Make you fall in love with me." It seems here that you are treating lines one through three as if they were steps that one could follow. But if you remember, step one was, "One, you're like a dream come true," which seems to be more a statement of fact then a step which one could follow, indeed, a step that, if followed, would make the girl fall in love with the narrator. Lines two and three only further the confusion. How could one repeat the step "Just want to be with you," or even "Girl it's plain to see, that you're the only one for me?"

I'm sure you can imagine my concern upon hearing this in your song. If I, for example, had a girl that I felt was the only one for me, and wished to emulate your narrator's methods in an effort to make said girl fall in love with me, then where would I begin? "Repeat steps one through three," your narrator mockingly tells me, as I vainly attempt to carry out step one, "you're like a dream come true." Certainly you would admit that no girl has ever been made to fall in love with a person for simply "wanting to be with you."

Thank you for your time--if you have any suggestions on how I can resolve this dilemma, I would appreciate it greatly if you could let me know.

A Concerned Listener

Sarah: A Totally Organic Experience

While watching "I Love the 80s" on VH1, my most innocent roommate and I watched the scene from When Harry Met Sally when, while in a diner, Sally fakes an orgasm to prove that women can do so convincingly. Following the video clip, my wonderfully protected roommate said "That sounded like an Herbal Essences commercial."

Sarah: So Fresh and So Clean Clean

Hello! I'm just a little happy with myself for finally getting around to changing my "favorite" sites to places that I might actually go to. In celebration, I'll tell you a little about some of the sites. Although heavy-laden with women, my favorite sites will prove that chicks can be really funny and generally rad. Anyway, on to the descriptions:
Loriloo: A blog that is very new to me, recommended from Maggie of Mighty Girl fame. Trust Maggie's taste. It's good.
Jenville: Also taken from Maggie. Check out her rants. Very funny.
Mimi Smartypants: Don't be intimidated by the length of Mimi's entries. They are laugh-out-loud-and-embarass-yourself-at-computer-labs funny. She hasn't posted lately, due to her being in China picking up her new baby. Be patient. She's worth the wait.
Mighty Girl: Good. Funny. Shorter than Mimi. Maggie just got married. I liked her wedding dress. I'm no stalker! She posted a picture, okay??
Emode: Their excessive pop-ups: Bad. Their quizzes: Strangely addicting. I can't help myself! My inner pop star is Pink! Help!
My Amazon Wishlist: You can buy me stuff. That'd be nice. I don't update this very often, though. I would if they sold Vespa scooters at Amazon.
Okay, sorry that was boring. You should check out Lisa's links. They're good too. I particularly recommend Defective Yeti.
Signing off.