Sarah: Roommates

So, it's my first year of college. Correct me if I am being unreasonable, but it seems to be a general rule among dorm inhabitants that sleeping until 9 o'clock is not only reasonable, but very normal. Unfortunately, I have the roommate of insanity. After returning from an early class, she bustled into the apartment, inquiring of a fellow roommate "She's STILL in bed, isn't she?" Before I am passed off as a slothful college freshman, a few additional details are required. I was not in bed, but was awake and getting ready for class. Also, the time of this incident was 8:00 am. EIGHT IN THE MORNING! If I had been in bed, which I wasn't, this would not be an obnoxious amount of sleep, nor would I be inconsiderate to expect an atmosphere in my bedroom conducive to sleep. I would just like confirmation that I was not the inconsiderate roommate in this particular instance. Also keep in mind that this roommate sees 8:00 am as an absurd time to be in bed because she prefers to do homework between the hours of 11 pm and 7 am, sleeping in the afternoon. Am I the dysfunctional one?

Lisa: So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

Once in a while it pays to pick up your little brother's book and start reading it. Here's what I read today:


"And as he drove on, the rain clouds dragged down the sky after him for, though he did not know it, Rob McKenna was a Rain God. All he knew was that his working days were miserable and he had a succession of lousy holidays. All the clouds knew was that they loved him and wanted to be near him, to cherish him and to water him."


--So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish by Douglas Adams

Sarah: Ben Folds - Rockin... MY WORLD!

Ben Folds' first solo album, Rockin the Suburbs, is quite excellent. A long time Ben Folds Five fan, my world was shattered when I heard that the band broke up. Ben was able to raise the spirits of many when he released a solo c.d., featuring himself on almost all instruments. Ben Folds is an amazing musician, particularly on the piano. I find it especially cool that he didn't begin training on the piano until he reached college. When you hear his acrobatic playing on Rockin the Suburbs and on Ben Folds Five albums, you too will be amazed. The new c.d. (actually now over a year old) features a variety of songs, from upbeat tempos to depressing lyrics. For hard core fans, be sure to note "Fred Jones Part Two," a continuation of the horribly sad life of Fred Jones, previously featured on BFF's album Whatever and Ever Amen in "Cigarette." Another tidbit, Ben's wife joins him on "Still Fighting It." Another note about Ben's wife, the last song on the c.d., "The Luckiest" is a song written by Ben for her. For this reason, along with his talent and sense of humor, I want Ben for my own.
But my unhealthy obsession with Ben Folds is not the point of this blog. Check him out. He will not disappoint you. If anyone has questions about other Ben Folds Five albums, I would be happy to answer them. I love them all, in their own way.

Lisa: And Hilarity Ensued

So, I walked across the hall into my old office and into this conversation: "and then he started smashing it with a rock, and he was all 'die, snake! Die! DIE!!'"

How could I talk about copy center account numbers after that?

Lisa: The Amazing Beeping Day Planner Thingie!

Ok, here’s a genius idea for an invention that I thought of a while ago but still can’t get anyone to follow through on. This idea is copyright-free, so go ahead and make a million dollars! Please just send me a prototype as a thank you--I could really use one of these.

This item consists of two sensors. One sensor is embedded in a simple silver bracelet (or another item that you would be willing to wear every day). The other sensor would be secured inside a day planner, wallet or purse. Whenever the two sensors are more than 10 feet apart, they both start beeping.

The benefits of this system are twofold. The most obvious purpose (and the most helpful to me, personally) is to keep you from leaving your day planner somewhere. If you started to leave without it, the beeping bracelet would remind you to go back, and the beeping day planner would have your friend or waitress chasing after you with it. This system also serves as a theft deterrent. A purse snatcher is likely to drop his booty if it suddenly starts beeping loudly and calling attention to itself.

If you wanted to get really crazy, the beeping on the day planner could also be remotely activated by a button on the bracelet. It would work like the ‘handset locator’ button on a cordless telephone, allowing you to page the day planner and then follow the beeping until you find it.

I know this is technologically possible; I just don’t have the know-how. Let’s get this baby into production!

Sarah: WWJD

For some reason, possibly because I am one of Satan's minions, I really dislike religious car decals. Most specifically bumper stickers reading "In case of rapture, this car will be unoccupied." Uh, I'm pretty sure that humility is a virtue admired by the divine, people. Also, what's with the fish? As if a small fish representing Christian beliefs wasn't enough, people have gotten more specific. Greek Orthodox and Darwinism, among others, also have their own variations on the fish. I'm all for knowing what you believe, but I just think that your car is a bit of an inappropriate location for such paraphernalia. Also, the only time that I even begin to approve of the fish is when it is a rotten fish with "Gefilte" written on it. At least the Jews can have a sense of humor about the whole thing, huh? So, in conclusion, Libya is a land of many diversities.

[Lisa says: try this link for more fish than you could ever want]

Lisa: Accessibility

So, after I voted for Cockeyed in the Webby People's Voice Awards, I got curious about the Bloggy Awards I had heard a few people mention in their weblogs. I wanted to nominate or vote for Defective Yeti, another of my favorite sites. When I searched on google, I found this page, which explained that the 2003 Bloggies had been awarded already. The winners were listed on the site, and gave me hours of browsing pleasure.

The winner for Best Article or Essay About Weblogs went to 30 Days to a More Accessible Weblog, by Mark Pilgrim. This essay (or really, collection of 30 short essays) guides even an inexperienced weblog owner effortlessly through the process of making his or her site more accessible to users with physical, mental, and technological disabilities.

Needless to say, I followed Mark's simple instructions. The Accessibility Statement for www.twolooseteeth.com can be viewed here. Hurrah for nice people!

Lisa: This explains a lot

Which Humor
Troubles the Disposition of YOUR Body?

Lisa: Issues

Actual conversation conducted via instant messaging.

Sarah: Hee hee hee. Snoop. Funny, yo.
Lisa: I thought so too.
Sarah: By the way, did you like my latest evidence that mom is a complete crazy crazy?
Lisa: She's insane. Also, her message irritated me very much and kept me from falling asleep.
Sarah: Dude, it kept you up last night??
Lisa: It made me really mad for some reason, even though it didn't apply to me in any way.
Sarah: Yeah, it had a maddening effect on me too, but it didn't keep me up at night.
Lisa: “So, you'll be singing in choir with us, so you'll have to be in bed by 11. OK? Ok, great! See you then! Bye!”
Sarah: Yeah. Word.
Lisa: “Oh, and David can cram his CD player! He is getting a chocolate bunny or nothing!”
Sarah: Bwee.
Sarah: I don't think she meant that part like that.
Lisa: “And you will be getting treats that are sugar- and fat-free! Also, a toothbrush!”
Sarah: Hee hee hee.
Lisa: “We don't invite Lisa and Blake for Easter, because we don't want to intrude on their private egg hunt!”
Lisa: “Maybe we will invite them over if we have to, but they have to bring their own, pre-filled Easter baskets!”
Lisa: “Then we will look disapprovingly on any fattening items they include!”
Lisa: “Ok, great! See you there!”
Sarah: Hee hee. Dude, I thought I was the one with issues...
Lisa: Apparently not.
Sarah: hee

Lisa: Monotonous Doesn't Mean Boring!

I wish I had more routine in my life. Really! I long for the comfort that I imagine routine will bring. For example, Monday should be library day. Pack up the (future) little kiddies in the car with their canvas tote bags of last week’s books, and come home with a promising new batch. Maybe even check out a musical or something vaguely educational on video to watch before bed on Monday night.

On a related note, my dad always goes to the dry cleaners on Saturdays. I have accompanied him on this errand many times, basking in his company even when we couldn’t relate to each other well enough to come up with any conversation. I wish I could convince Blake to go to the dry cleaners every Saturday. Imagine—all the clothes I own, available to wear on a whim! No more late-night or pre-concert dry cleaner-related panic! On the other hand, going to the dry cleaner on a very infrequent basis has its benefits. Just the other day, the dry cleaners handed me a fetching black silk sweater that I had completely forgotten I owned! It was like Christmas.

Maybe I’ll wait until Blake and I have kids to settle into a fulfilling, satisfying routine. After all, Sarah already thinks my married life “sounds monotonous.” Plus, I’m not quite ready to give up those unpredictable, devil-may-care trips to the dry cleaner.

Lisa: your family crest is...blue and spiny!

Blake and I were sitting in church last Sunday, and (instead of listening like a good girl) I whispered to him all about the dream I had the night before. You see, in my dream, in “Jewish church,” everyone has to sit according to matriarchal clan, and each person has a crawly sea-anemone thing representing his or her family name attached to the back of his or her chair. There was more along those lines. Anyway, when I was done, he just said “that sounds very…detailed.” Thanks a lot, Blake!

Lisa: my fun score is WAY down

Ok, you know how when you're playing The Sims, sometimes your sims refuse to do the things you tell them to do? For example, if their fun score is too low, they won't look for a job or read about cooking or repair the hot tub? I kind of feel like that sometimes.

Lisa: Librarian Video Collage

I want to make a video of clips from various movies and TV shows involving librarians. I'm not sure what the purpose of this video would be, but I suspect that the possibilities are endless (ha). A game played at a librarian-themed event, where you guess what movies the clips are from! Part of a presentation on the stereotypical portrayal of librarians in the media! And so forth! [Legal Disclaimer: this video would be for personal use only, not sold or distributed in any way.]

Anyway, here is a list of possible candidates for inclusion. If you think of a show I have forgotten, please let me know!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Giles)
Angel (Wolfram & Hart corporate librarian)
UHF (Conan the Librarian)
Party Girl
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
It's a Wonderful Life
Foul Play (Goldie Hawn)
The Music Man

The following shows have been suggested by others. If you want to say yay or nay, or would care to enlighten me as to what these have to do with librarians, please comment!

Wishbone?
Bliss
It
The Gun in Betty Lou's Handbag
The Shawshank Redemption
Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade
Joe vs. the Volcano (I think Joe was some kind of corporate librarian at the beginning of the movie)
Philadelphia
Caveman's Valentine?
Where the Heart Is
Breakfast at Tiffany's (they may or may not have meant The Breakfast Club)

Also, I'm not sure how to go about making this fabulous clip montage once I have assembled a satisfactory list. What technology do I need? And do I have to rent all of these movies at once? I might need to find some sponsors if I have to do that. And....GO!

Sarah: You have received an email from Teeth

Actual Instant Messenger Conversation between Sarah and Lisa.

Sarah: Well, at least i'm open, huh? What was the highest possible score on the personality test? I haven't taken it yet.
Lisa: All are out of 45 except openness, which is out of 90.
Sarah: Danget!!
Lisa: hee
Sarah: Dude, i think that you just basically told me that i have NO personality. Could you have given me LOWER scores?!
Lisa: Yes, the minimum for each category is nine.
Sarah: I hate you.
Lisa: Is there a difference between extraversion and extroversion?
Sarah: Um... a spelling mistake? Let me check.
Sarah: Yeah, extraversion isn't a word as far as i could discern.
Lisa: That's how they spell it on the survey; that's why i was wondering.
Sarah: Well, then it's almost okay that you gave me a low score on extraversion, but only because it doesn't exist. Punk.
Lisa: hee
Sarah: I'm going to ask someone who likes me more to do the test.
Lisa: I gave you a super high score on extraversion!
Sarah: You gave me the lowest possible conscientiousness score. but whatever. that's probably my lowest area, anyway. And a 26 in agreeableness?!?! Shocked, stunned, and hurt.
Lisa: It's not the lowest possible! Do the test and see what you give yourself!

Later in the conversation:

Lisa: Did you ever have Mr. Burnham at Wasatch Jr.?
Sarah: He moved to another school my 8th grade year.
Lisa: Oh.
Lisa: We always had these true/false quizzes and he would read the answers out loud, we'd correct our own, and then he'd go through the roll and we'd all say our scores out loud.
Sarah: Man, they wouldn't allow that anymore!
Lisa: Anyway, he always said truh instead of true
Lisa: truh, truh, false, truh, etc.
Sarah: Hee. So, uh...
Lisa: So, now I always want to say truh instead of true. Like a little private joke with myself.
Sarah: Dude, I just almost choked on whater.
Sarah: water!!
Lisa: hee
Sarah: What's worse, i almost typed chocked.
Lisa: I chocked on whater! Help!
Lisa: Hee. Hee hee. I'm sitting here giggling. No dignity, whatsoever.
Sarah: Me too. It's truh!!
Lisa: Hee. Will you share my private joke with me?
Sarah: Oh, please, can I?!
Lisa: Hee. Hee hee. Ok, this is getting embarrassing. Hee hee hee. Mouth, you have received an email from Brain. Subject: Shut Up!

Sarah: Slacker or Studious?

It has been rumored by some that I have not been adequately doting on this weblog. This is not the case. I check it frequently and enjoy posts from my sister, Lisa. However, I currently lack a computer of my own, and also have to occasionally go to class, study, etc. I just wanted to let the great void that is our audience know that I care about our little blog, and I will be much more attentive in a few weeks, when I finish with this semester of school. On another note, does anyone have a summer job that pays a fabulous amount of money that I could have? Also, this job would ideally leave me a lot of spare time to enjoy the warm weather and, of course, make many blog entries. In conclusion, my energy score is way down.

Lisa: The Hotel Room of TOTAL CRAP

This week I'm at a training conference for my job. I got to my hotel room tonight and there was old leftover takeout in the mini fridge and an EMPTY CONDOM WRAPPER on the carpet by the bed. Ew. Just ew. I hope the week goes up from here.

For the next entry in this series, click here.

Lisa: Update on THROTC

Well, it did get worse from there. I called the night manager, and he came and took the grody food away. He promised to leave a note for the housekeeping staff, but he did NOT offer me another room. Later that night, I discovered that my sheet had some sort of red goo stuck on it and that my toilet seat was covered with nasty pee and pubic hair. I laid in bed on the side farthest from the goo and tried not to cry. Okay, I cried.

Anyway, I told the next manager on duty about the new problems, and he promised to add them to the note for Housekeeping. HOWEVER, when I returned from the conference yesterday evening, my sheets had not been changed and the toilet had not been cleaned! I told the night manager (the same one who was on duty Sunday night) about this oversight, and he promised to take care of it PERSONALLY, as soon as possible. Meanwhile, I went to ShopKo to buy various important items I had forgotten to pack (and the 24 DVDs!). I returned to find that nothing at all had changed in my room. I called the night manager (Jonathan) again, and he apologized profusely, calling me HONEY several times. I cannot stand people calling me honey, especially people MY OWN AGE!!!! Whew. Anyway, I asked him if he would just bring me a clean set of sheets that I could put on by myself. He did, but did not offer to put them on or clean my toilet or move me to another room. Also, he brought two top sheets and no pillowcases.

I may find myself taking advantage of the 100% satisfaction money-back guarantee. But then would my work get the money back, since they are paying for the hotel? THEY didn't have to sleep with goo!

On the upside: The conference is good and the other participants are very nice. I spent $100 at ShopKo and loved every minute of it.

For the next entry in this series, click here.