Lisa: Lil' Brudder

When Dave and Angie got married, my parents placed upon my humble shoulders the responsibility of creating a life-size cardboard standup of our brother Jeff. He's in New Jersey until next summer and couldn't be at the wedding in person, so I guess they figured this was the next best thing.

Step one: have Jeff take an appropriate picture of himself.

Step two: purchase a ready-made cardboard standup of George W. Bush. Trust me, these things are readily available, reasonably inexpensive, and a lot easier than obtaining your own large-scale printout and backing it with cardboard. Print out Jeff's face and neck (No, really, W's neck is gross and not at all fitting for a healthy 19-year-old boy.) on a regular color inkjet printer and cut them out. You might want to do a few of slightly different sizes, so you can try them out and see what proportions look right. Glue Jeff's head over George's, getting creative with the neck and collar area. Slap a printout of Jeff's missionary badge on the jacket for verisimilitude.

Step three: scare yourself silly on at least five separate occasions, walking into a darkened room and catching a glimpse of Jeff's lurking, shadowy form out of the corner of your eye. Put a bright face on things when you help your baby girl become friends with an uncle she's never met.

Step four: secretly hope your parents get the standup out for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.

Miss you, Jeff! I can't wait to hug the real thing.