Lisa: perilous pastilles

I think Tootsie Rolls were originally developed as a weapon, or at least a joke candy. See, if you start to eat a Tootsie Roll that's too big (as most of them are), they glue your teeth together until you start to choke on the copious amounts of chocolate-flavored spit that have suddenly been produced out of nowhere. This should be a deterrent, right? The funny thing is, Tootsie Rolls are so delicious that when you finally stop coughing, your hand automatically reaches into the bag for another piece. My theory is that when the would-be pranksters wouldn't stop eating the tasty morsels themselves, the makers shrugged, all, "Huh...well...the customer knows best!" and started marketing them without the irony.

And don't get me started on the delectable danger that is Dots.